I Accidentally Destroy the Mafia
by ineed2sleep
Summary: Shizune has the most useless ability of all the useless abilities that people with useless abilities can possibly have: the power to talk to inanimate objects. One day, while arguing with a brick wall, she accidentally blows up the boss of the Grey Mafia. This eventually leads to her meeting with another certain mafia organization and a certain detective agency.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hi guys! This chapter's a bit short, but (hopefully) still interesting. Enjoy^^_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

Shizune stepped out of the plane and let out a sigh of relief. During her flight from New York to Yokohama, her food tray kept screaming at her because she accidentally spilled coffee on it.

"I did say sorry," Shizune muttered under her breath.

In the distance, she could still faintly hear the food tray shouting profanities at her, so she quickly grabbed her suitcase and ran out of the airport.

While walking down the street, Shizune pulled out the address of a hotel that a friend had recommended to her. After asking 23 people and 37 objects, she ended up back where she started.

"This is getting nowhere," she muttered. "I could've sworn Alex said the hotel was somewhere around here. Maybe she wrote the wrong address? She doesn't usually make mistakes like this."

(A/N: Now, you might be thinking, _why doesn't she just call her friend and ask about the hotel address? Is she an idiot?_ Unfortunately, Shizune doesn't remember her friend's phone number because Alex gets new phone numbers more often than Dazai tries to commit suicide. Then you may think, _but isn't the number saved in her phone's contact list? I still think she's an idiot._ Well, since her phone kept criticizing her fashion sense, she threw a tantrum and decided not to bring it with her. Very mature, I know.)

After walking for a few more hours, Shizune ended up in a dark alley...leading to a love hotel. _Wait, the name matches the one Alex wrote in the address,_ she thought in confusion. Then she realized the truth.

"ALEX YOU TRICKED ME YOU EVIL BASTARD!" she shouted furiously.

Too tired to continue walking, she leaned against a wall to catch her breath. Unlike most people, Shizune didn't really fear dark alleys, since the walls would usually warn her if someone tried to attack her (because they didn't want to get blood splattered all over them).

 _Hi girl!_ the brick wall she was leaning on said cheerfully. _Hey, did you know that the boss of the Grey Mafia wears, like, three hats? I was like ohmygod and I told him that his fashion sense was horrible, but he, like, totally ignored me!_

"Maybe he has a bald patch and is trying to hide it," Shizune replied thoughtfully.

 _Lol that's, like, totally not possible. He's not even thirty yet,_ the wall replied.

(A/N: Yeah, I know, the main character of this story strolls around in dark alleys and gossips with brick walls. Don't judge.)

Shizune sighed. "This is probably what happened: one day, the boss of the Grey Mafia went home after a long day of murdering random people. He looked in the mirror and screamed like a little girl because he realized that his hair was thinning due to the stress from a long day of murdering random people. In horror, he bought every single hair growth product on the internet because who would respect a bald boss? But the products ended up destroying his hair even more, and in less than two weeks, he'd lost fifty percent of his hair. Obviously, he was too broke to buy a proper wig since he spent too much money on rip-off hair products, so he just covered up his baldness with all the hats that he owned."

 _...that was really specific,_ the wall said.

Suddenly, Shizune heard a noise from her right. She turned around and saw a man holding a briefcase glaring at her.

 _Hey, that's the boss of the Grey Mafia!_ the wall said in surprise. _I totally didn't notice him._

Shizune felt the blood draining from her face. _He heard my extremely detailed description of his baldness!_ she thought in horror.

"I am so, so sorry sir," she said, bowing rapidly.

"DIE!" he yelled in rage, and charged at her.

Shizune panicked and stumbled back, accidentally stepping on the tail of a cat sleeping behind her. The cat hissed and jumped upwards, conveniently landing on her attacker's face. In shock, he dropped his briefcase, which snapped open on the ground. Conveniently, the bomb in his briefcase was set off by the impact and, conveniently, both the bomb and him rolled into a nearby ditch that was extremely deep.

"NO!" he screamed in horror.

With a resounding _boom_ , the bomb activated and blew up everything in the ditch. For a full minute, Shizune just stared blankly at the scene in front of her.

"Did I just...kill the boss of the Grey Mafia?"

* * *

 _A/N: So that's the first chapter! Shizune will meet a lot more characters later on, so please be patient:) Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Yay new chapter! I'll try to post as frequently as possible^^_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

"Did I just...kill the boss of the Grey Mafia?"

Shizune snapped out of her daze. "I can't stay here, I need to leave!"

She was about run for it when a man about her age suddenly landed in front of her. _Wait, where'd he come from?_ she thought in confusion. The man had auburn hair and blue eyes, and was dressed almost completely in black.

He looked at her curiously and gestured towards the blown-up ditch. "Did you kill him?"

"No, I didn't kill him!" Shizune said frantically. "Well, I did, but I said he was bald and he wouldn't listen to me so I blew him up!"

 _Wait, that came out wrong,_ she thought.

"You're pretty dangerous for someone who looks so weak," he said. "Who hired you?"

"Um, I really need to go," she replied. "I have to go to...a birthday party...for my cat."

His eyes narrowed. "Not telling? I guess I could just torture you for information."

 _Ugh, he's overreacting,_ his hat said to her. _You don't even look like an assassin. This totally wasn't your fault._

Shizune smiled happily. "Thank you!"

The man stared at her in confusion. "Why the hell are you thanking me?"

 _And you're right,_ the hat continued, _he was actually bald._

Shizune nodded. "Yep, hats are often used to hide baldness."

The man scowled. "I'm not bald!" He took off his hat to prove his point.

 _Hey, tell you what,_ the hat said. _I'll help you out, but in return you have to clean me using one of those really expensive brushes._

She nodded vigorously. "Deal."

With that, she focused on the man again. _He's pretty slim, so maybe if I try really hard, I can overpower him,_ she thought hopefully. _Alright, let's do this._

The man glared at her, and in one swift move, he slammed her into a wall and held a knife to her throat.

 _OK NEVER MIND ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION._

"Who are you?" the man demanded.

 _Tell him that you're actually Dazai Osamu in disguise,_ the hat suggested.

"I'm actually Dazai Osamu," she blurted out. "I'm just crossdressing for fun!"

He blinked in surprise. " _What_?"

He loosened his grip, and Shizune immediately ducked away from him and sprinted for the exit.

Luckily, a person happened to be standing near the entrance of the alley. She immediately hid behind him and held her breath. A moment later, the man with the hat ran out of the alley and went the opposite way.

 _Thank you,_ she mouthed to his hat.

 _Don't forget our deal!_ the hat replied. _Later, you have to clean me with a really expensive brush!_

Shizune smiled and nodded. _Maybe this ability isn't so bad after all,_ she thought.

 _Hey, you!_ shouted a nearby trashcan. _Yeah, you, the girl with the horrible fashion sense! Get over here and fix my lid!_

"Never mind, I hate my ability," she muttered.

"Hey, are you ok?" the person she was hiding behind asked awkwardly. _Wow, I love his clothes,_ she thought. _It really compliments his silver hair._

"Um, hello...?"

Shizune snapped back to reality. "Oh, yep. I'm perfectly fine."

"I'm Atsushi Nakajima," he said, smiling nervously. "What's your name?"

"I'm Shizune Hirano. Nice to meet you," she replied. "Sorry, can I borrow your phone?"

He nodded, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Maybe it was because she'd been in a life or death situation, but Shizune had suddenly remembered Alex's phone number after she'd been attacked by the boss of the Grey Mafia.

 _I guess intense fear can really improve a person's memory,_ she thought.

She dialled the number and, almost immediately, someone picked up.

"Hiiii!" said an extremely cheerful voice.

"ALEXIA WINTERS YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE I HOPE YOU HAVE SLOW WIFI FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" Shizune shouted furiously into the phone.

The guy named Atsushi flinched in terror.

"Shizu-chan!" Alex said gleefully. "Did you find the hotel? Lovely place, isn't it?"

"BECAUSE OF YOUR DAMN PRANK, I ACCIDENTALLY BLEW UP THE BOSS OF THE GREY MAFIA!" she yelled. " _AND_ I LOST MY SUITCASE!"

Atsushi slowly began to back away.

" _Tsk tsk_ ," Alex said disapprovingly, "I didn't raise you to be such an irresponsible person, Shizu-chan. How could you lose your suitcase on the first day of your trip?"

"I will find you," Shizune said with deadly calmness, "and I will shove a tube of wasabi down your throat."

"Oh, you know you love me!" Alex laughed.

With that, she hung up. Shizune stomped her foot in frustration and gave Atsushi back his phone.

"Um, are you sure you're ok?" he asked her cautiously.

Shizune sighed. "All my stuff was in my suitcase, so I guess I'm just kinda pissed off."

"Want me to help you look for it?"

She shook her head. "I didn't exactly lose it, but if I go back, I'll probably meet the guy with the hat again..."

"Well, I can at least treat you to dinner," he offered.

"Thanks," she said gratefully. "You know, you're the nicest person I've met today. Once I get a job, I'll definitely pay you back."

"Oh, you don't need to," Atsushi said hastily.

Suddenly, she remembered that all her recommendation letters and documents were in her suitcase.

"Or maybe I'll just jump off a bridge," Shizune said. "Yep, that sounds like a good idea."

"Wait, what?" he said in horror. "Hold on! You should think about this-"

Shizune walked to a bridge nearby and climbed onto the railing. _I'll come back as a ghost and haunt Alex for the rest of her life,_ she thought grimly.

"Wait!" a voice shouted.

Shizune paused and saw a man running towards them.

"Don't try to stop me," she told him.

The man stopped a few feet away from her and smiled.

"I won't," he replied. "Actually, would you like to commit a double suicide with me?"

* * *

 _A/N: So Dazai finally enters the story! Do you think Shizune will accept his request?_ _Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Third chapter's out! I feel like the characters I create are really messed up...oh well. Enjoy^^_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

"Don't try to stop me," she told him.

The man stopped a few feet away from her and smiled.

"I won't," he replied. "Actually, would you like to commit a double suicide with me?"

"No," Shizune said flatly. "Go die by yourself."

He clutched a hand over his heart, looking hurt. "Why? Am I not good enough for you?"

"I want to die alone," she replied. "If I'm gonna commit suicide, then I only want _my_ face to show up on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper."

"But we'd look great together!" he protested.

She pointed at him accusingly. "You look incredibly hot with your messy hair and red-brown eyes-"

"Why, thank you. It's an honour to be complimented by such a beautiful lady."

"-so if we die at the same time, then people will only remember you! Stop trying to hog my spotlight!"

He looked at her sadly. "But we're connected by the red string of fate! This was meant to be!"

 _Ok, this conversation's beginning to sound like a k-drama,_ she thought. Ignoring him, Shizune jumped off the bridge. The man immediately grabbed her wrist and she glared up at him in irritation.

"Can you _please_ commit a double suicide with me? It'd be a waste if you died by yourself!" he pleaded.

"Dazai-san! You're supposed to be convincing her _not_ to commit suicide!" Atsushi yelled.

 _Dazai?_

Shizune blinked in surprise. "Oh, you're the guy who I said was a crossdresser."

Dazai looked completely shocked, and his grip loosened. Shizune fell backwards and plunged (ungracefully) into the river. The impact pushed all the air from her lungs and she completely blacked out.

...

 _A boy and a girl stood in a room surrounded by piles of bodies as high as their heads. They were both covered in blood, but none of it was theirs._

 _"You're not scared that I'll kill you?" the girl asked curiously._

 _"You're not scared that I'll kill_ you _?" the boy retorted._

 _"Of course not." She laughed. "I'm already dead."_

 _He tilted his head. "Prove it. What's the afterlife like?"_

 _"It's...lonely," she replied. "That's why I came back. I hate being alone."_

 _The boy thought for a while. "Then next time, let's go together. That way you won't be alone."_

 _She smiled. "Promise?"_

 _"Promise."_

...

"-une-san. Shizune-san! SHIZUNE-SAN!" a voice shouted frantically.

"Ok, mouth to mouth is the only option," another voice said. "Atsushi-kun, move over please."

Shizune's eyes snapped open. "ALEXIA WINTERS HERE I COME I SHALL MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE AND HAUNT YOU UNTIL YOU DIE!"

She cackled evilly and stood up -then promptly collapsed while coughing out water.

"Why am I not dead?" she asked between fits of coughing. "I can't haunt Alex if I'm not dead."

"Oh, Dazai-san pulled you out of the water," Atsushi told her.

"You completely ruined my suicidal mood," she grumbled. "Now I actually have to face my problems and go look for a job."

Dazai tilted his head. "Judging from your clothes, you're here on a trip. If you're looking for a job then are you planning to stay in Japan?"

 _Wow, his observational skills are sharp,_ Shizune thought.

"If I can get a job, then I'll stay in Japan," she said. "If I can't, then I'll go back to New York in a month."

"Well then, Shizu-chan," he said, "I know a place where you can find a job. It's a detective agency not far from here."

 _'Shizu-chan'?_ she thought in surprise. _Only Alex ever calls me that. Did he somehow hear my conversation with her earlier?_

"The name just sounds cute," Dazai said, smiling. "I didn't eavesdrop on your conversation with your friend."

 _HE'S A MIND READER!_ she thought in shock. _OH MY GOD THEY ACTUALLY EXIST!_

He laughed. "No, I'm not a mind reader. I'm just slightly better than most people at reading facial expressions."

"...right," Shizune replied, not looking the slightest bit convinced. "So about that job...?"

"First, I want to ask you something," he said. "What did you mean earlier about me being a crossdresser?"

"Oh, some guy was threatening to kill me, so I said that I was actually you in disguise to throw him off guard."

Dazai looked extremely curious. "Why was he threatening you?"

"Because I blew up the boss of the Grey Mafia."

There was a moment of silence.

"...OH MY GOD I COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT I BLEW UP THE BOSS OF THE GREY MAFIA!" she yelled in horror. "What if they send assassins after me? Should I change my name? Should I start crossdressing too?"

 _HA! You're_ so _screwed,_ Dazai's coat said. _You'll be dead by the end of this week!_

Shizune's eyes narrowed. "Um, _excuse me_? Who are _you_ to tell me when I'm going die? Mind your own business!"

The coat snorted (yeah, apparently coats can snort). _Because of you, I'm completely soaked. Shouldn't you apologize to me?_

"I'm not the one who jumped into the river while wearing you!" she snapped. "Why should _I_ apologize? You apologize!"

"I think she finally snapped," Atsushi whispered.

"Shizu-chan, why don't we go visit your new workplace?" Dazai said, looking completely unfazed. "If you join, I'll help you get out of your predicament."

Shizune focused on him. "You will? Thank you so much! You're a life saver."

Dazai helped her up, and the three of them walked to a street that she didn't recognize.

Suddenly, Shizune stopped dead in her tracks. _When I was drowning, didn't I...dream about something?_ she thought, frowning. _What was it again? There was a girl...and a boy? Who were they?_

"Shizune-san?"

She snapped back to reality and saw Atsushi looking at her worriedly.

"Right, new job. Let's go," she said quickly, and started walking again.

After an hour, they reached a red brick building on the side of the street. The moment Atsushi opened the door, a man flew out and kicked Dazai in the face.

"DAZAI YOU SLACKER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME BACK HOURS AGO!" he shouted furiously.

"Kunikida-kun! I - _ow_ \- brought back - _ouch_ \- a new employee!"

Dazai casually introduced Shizune and told Kunikida about what had happened to them (while being repeatedly kicked in the face). Meanwhile, Dazai's coat shouted profanities at Kunikida and screamed at him to stop kicking dirt everywhere.

(A/N: Unfortunately, I can't tell you what the coat was saying because otherwise I'd have to rate this story M.)

"So you're Shizune?" Kunikida asked, after kicking Dazai one last time. "Do you have any experience in solving crimes?"

"I have some experience," she replied. "...I think."

Kunikida nodded. "Alright, then welcome to the Armed Detective Agency."

* * *

 _A/N: And that's the end of the chapter! Who do you think are the children in the flashback? Feel free to type your answers in the comment section:) Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you everyone who's reading this! Enjoy^^_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

Kunikida nodded. "Alright, then welcome to the Armed Detective Agency."

 _Wow, they accepted me pretty fast,_ Shizune thought in surprise.

She turned to Dazai. "So, about the Grey Mafia..."

He smiled cheerfully. "Oh, that. Since you killed the boss, the whole organization will eventually collapse, so you have nothing to worry about!"

 _Then I actually didn't need your help at all,_ she thought grumpily. _Oh well, at least I got a new job._

"Shizune, your ability's to read people's pasts, right?" Kunikida questioned.

She blinked in surprise. "What? No, it's not. Why would you think that?"

"Oh, uh, I must've confused you with someone else," he quickly said.

 _Weird..._ she thought, frowning.

"So what's your ability then?" he asked.

"Good question...haha..."

 _If I tell you, I'll lose whatever little dignity I have left,_ she thought. _But I never really had any dignity to begin with, so..._

He sighed. "Just tell me its name."

"...what?"

"Its name," he repeated. "My ability's Doppo Poet, Dazai's ability's No Longer Human, Atsushi's ability's Beast Beneath the Moonlight. Everyone's ability has a name."

"I...kinda didn't name mine," Shizune admitted.

He stared at her incredulously. "You didn't name it?"

"Why don't you name it right now?" Dazai suggested.

Shizune thought for a while. "How do you even name an ability?"

"Just think of a name that best describes the ability," Kunikida said. "Or name the ability after an important event that it's connected to."

"A good name...a good name..." Shizune muttered. "...you know what? Whatever. I'm gonna call it I Accidentally Destroy The Mafia."

" _What_?" Kunikida exclaimed.

"Well, that's the most important event that it's connected to, so..."

Dazai burst out laughing. "I like it! It's very original."

"...fine," Kunikida muttered. "Don't blame me if it causes misunderstandings in the future."

Now that Shizune was no longer facing certain death via murder/torture/suicide (although the last one was her own fault), she suddenly felt extremely tired. Atsushi led her upstairs and gave her the keys to a small room facing the street.

"I'm sure you're tired, so I'll leave you alone to get some sleep," Atsushi told her. "If you need anything, just call me -I'll be in the room across the hall."

"Thanks, Atsushi-san," she murmured, yawning.

"Oh, you can call me Atsushi," he said quickly.

Shizune nodded, stumbled into her room, and fell asleep before she even reached the bed.

...

"-izu-chan! Shizu-chan!" a voice called urgently.

"Alex, you should stop buying those sketchy nutrition products," Shizune muttered, still half asleep. "It's starting to make you sound like a man."

"Shizu-chan, it's Dazai!"

"And now you even _think_ that you're a man," she grumbled. "Don't blame me if you grow a beard."

Her door slammed open and Dazai burst into the room. He gently shook her a few times, and she finally opened one eye.

"...oh, Dazai-san. How can I help you?" Shizune asked, yawning.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. _It hasn't even been an hour yet,_ she thought, frowning. _He'd better have a good excuse for waking me up._

"It's an emergency," he said. "Someone's holding an employee hostage and demanding to see the President. They don't know your face yet, so you might be able to convince them to stop."

Shizune looked shocked. "Ok, I'm coming!"

She quickly got up and followed him to a room that looked like an office. Dazai gestured for her to go in and she cautiously stepped inside. In front of the window, a brown-haired man was pointing a gun at a young boy who was gagged and tied up.

The man noticed her the moment she walked through the door. "Hello there! Are you a part of this agency?"

"Um, no. I'm delivering pizza," she said.

"You don't have any pizza," he pointed out.

"...I ate it on my way here," she replied. "Sorry."

The man sighed. "Well then, go away. _Shoo shoo_."

"Actually, it'd be nice if you could not kill that boy," she said. "He's...the cousin of my sister's cousin of my uncle's grandma's pet fish twice-removed."

He frowned. "That makes no sense."

"My family's messed up. Don't judge," she retorted.

 _You know what's even more messed up?_ his hat suddenly said. _Your sense of fashion. Who wears a white coat with a white shirt? And those jeans -where did you even get them from? The local dump?_

Shizune glared at his hat, took a deep breath...and began to tear up.

"It's not like I don't care!" she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I want to wear a black coat too, but do you know how _mean_ those things are?"

The man blinked. "Huh? Wait-"

"And the shoes too! They're always like, 'damn, girl, how much do you weigh? You're crushing me!'."

"Look, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but-"

"And _especially_ the gloves! It's always, 'don't touch that! No, don't touch that either! God, don't put me on those dirty hands of yours'. And-"

"Ok ok!" he said hastily. "Don't cry, let's just calm down and-"

At that moment, Shizune lunged forwards and pulled the boy out of his grasp.

"Ha!" she said triumphantly.

The man frowned in irritation, and pulled out a small black box that was about the size of a coin.

"It might look small, but it's powerful enough to blow up this entire building," he told her.

He pulled a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button. On the tiny screen of the black box, a 10-second countdown started.

"Let's all die together!" he said cheerfully.

For a moment, Shizune felt as if time had frozen. She could've run away as far as possible and saved herself. She could've covered the bomb with her body and saved the boy. She could've screamed and fainted and saved no one. Instead, she grabbed the bomb...and swallowed it.

"EH?" the man yelped in surprise.

She closed her eyes and waited for the explosion, but nothing happened. A few seconds later, she heard the sound of clapping from the door. Opening her eyes, she stared in disbelief as Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, and several other people entered the room.

"YOU _ATE_ THE BOMB?" Kunikida yelled in disbelief. "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Shizune shrugged. "Like Alex always says, 'if you can't solve the problem, then just eat it and forget about it'."

"I think she's talking about cooking," Dazai commented.

"Same thing," she replied dismissively. "So...that was a test?"

Atsushi smiled apologetically. "I also went through a similar experience when I joined a few days ago."

"What do you think, President?" Dazai asked a man with silver hair.

"Well, that was definitely...an unusual way of dealing with the situation." The President chuckled. "I'll leave it up to you, Dazai."

"So...does that mean I passed?" Shizune whispered to Atsushi.

He nodded, smiling. "Congratulations, you're officially a member of the Armed Detective Agency!"

A woman with short black hair walked over to Shizune and shook her hand.

"My name's Yosano," she introduced herself. "I'm a doctor. The person who was pretending to be a criminal is actually Ranpo-san. He works here too."

"...I see..." she murmured.

"Your fake crying was very realistic," Yosano told her, sounding impressed. "You completely fooled me."

"...haha, yep, totally fake," Shizune replied awkwardly. "Actually, there's one thing I really want to do right now."

"Sure, what is it?"

Ranpo's eyes widened as Shizune turned towards him, looking absolutely murderous. She ran straight at him...and grabbed his hat.

"Wha-?" he exclaimed in confusion.

She walked to the window, leaned against the ledge, and threw the hat out as far as possible. Then she turned around and glared at Ranpo.

" _I dislike your hat_ ," she hissed.

Spinning around, Shizune brushed herself off and stalked out of the room.

* * *

 _A/N: I've always wanted to write a scene about the characters and their abilities' names. I mean, do they come up with random names or do they just naturally know what the names should be? I went with the first option because it's more interesting^^_ _Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hi guys! This chapter will lead to what happens in the anime (finally), and a certain ability user who's obsessed with Dazai will show up:)_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

Spinning around, Shizune brushed herself off and stalked out of the room. She walked into her room and tossed her clothes into a corner. _I've had enough physical and mental abuse for one day,_ she thought tiredly. After falling onto her bed, she immediately fell asleep.

...

Shizune was woken by a knock on her door.

"Shizu-chan, it's Dazai!" a voice called cheerfully.

She glanced up at the clock and saw that less than an hour had passed. _This is the second time he woke me up. Is he trying to make sure I never get any sleep?_ she thought grumpily.

"Shiizzzuuu-chaaan!" he called. "It's urgent!"

"..." Shizune stumbled out of her bed and opened the door.

Dazai smiled at her. "Would you like to commit a late night double suicide with me?"

She slammed the door in his face.

"Sorry, sorry," he laughed. "I came because I wanted to show you something."

Sighing, she opened the door again. "Fine, make it quick."

He smiled. "You'll need to get dressed, since we're going outside."

(A/N: By the way, Shizune opened the door while wearing only her bra and shorts. When she's tired, she tends to forget little details like putting on clothes before meeting other people.)

Shizune quickly got dressed and grabbed her coat.

"Let's go," she mumbled, yawning.

They exited the building and began walking through the streets seemingly at random. After half an hour of walking, Shizune abruptly stopped and stared at a nearby hat store. _Oh, right, I need to buy a really expensive cleaning brush for that nice hat who helped me out earlier today,_ she thought.

"Dazai-san, can you wait for a while? I want to go in there," she said, pointing to the shop.

He nodded. "Sure. Are you buying a hat?"

"Nope, I need to buy a really expensive cleaning brush for someone else's hat."

"Oh? Who?" he asked curiously.

"No idea!"

Shizune ran into the shop and dramatically announced, "please give me your most expensive hat brush!"

The store owner stared at her like she was crazy, but gave her what she asked. Shizune took one look at the price tag and nearly fainted.

"Why would you charge so much for a _hat brush_?" she asked, dropping to her knees in shock.

The owner shrugged. "Sorry, ma'am. You're the one who asked for the most expensive one."

Sighing, Shizune pulled her wallet out of her pocket.

"I'll only be able to afford cheese and crackers for the rest of this month," she said sadly. "...oh well, I love cheese."

She exited the store and continued to walk to who-knows-where with Dazai. Before Shizune could ask him where they were actually going, a young girl dressed in a kimono ran up to him and tugged on his sleeve.

"What?" he said in surprise.

Shizune blinked. "Um...is she your daughter?"

The girl shook her head and flipped open her phone. "Found him."

Suddenly, a woman dressed in pure white appeared from behind her and lunged towards them with terrifying speed. Shizune felt a blunt object hit the back of her neck, and she blacked out.

...

She was woken by the sound of someone coughing. Opening an eye, she saw a man with black hair tinted white at the tips standing in front of her.

"Silver hair and gold eyes," he observed. "Just like the description."

(A/N: Yes, I know, this story doesn't introduce the main character's appearance until the fifth chapter. It's because the writer (me) is extremely lazy.)

Shizune tried to move, and realized that she was chained to the wall behind her. Looking towards her left, she saw Dazai in the same situation.

"...can I help you?" she asked the man.

He glared at her. _Wow, if looks could kill..._ she thought, flinching slightly.

"I received an anonymous tip that a girl with your appearance will try to destroy the mafia," he said coldly.

"What? Me? Destroy the mafia? Of course not!" she said indigantly. "I try to focus on more important things in life, like buying high quality cleaning brushes for hats."

He glared at her. "Your ability is literally called I Accidentally Destroy The Mafia! You have no excuse!"

Shizune stomped her foot. "Don't judge a book by its cover! Maybe my actual ability is to turn into a Disney princess!"

"Then why would you name your ability I Accidentally Destroy The Mafia?"

Shizune sighed. "Ugh, will you leave me alone if I change the name? I'll change it to...Life Is Full Of Disappointments But Every Once In A While You Feel Lucky So You Try To Win The Lottery But Because Life Is Full Of Disappointments You Don't Win So You End Up With Even More Disappointment. How's that?"

"..." The man looked dumbfounded.

Dazai chuckled. "Like I said, Akutagawa-kun, she's not a threat to the Port Mafia."

The man glared at her for a few more seconds, then spun around and stalked out. Shizune turned towards Dazai.

"So, what did I miss?" she asked curiously.

"Hmm...nothing much. We were kidnapped by the Port Mafia, and now we're waiting to be executed," he replied casually.

"Ah, I see." Shizune nodded. "How awful."

"You're taking this quite well," he commented.

"Why, thank you," she replied. "Actually, since we're in this situation, do you mind telling me the real reason why you agreed to let me join the agency?"

He smiled. "The real reason? What do you mean?"

"You accepted me into the agency almost immediately, and Kunikida-san thought I could read people's pasts," she replied. "You guys are obviously keeping something from me."

Dazai's smile didn't falter. "Shizu-chan, you used to be in the Guild, right?"

She froze. The Guild was a secret organization that was hidden from most of the world. Information about its members was supposed to be completely classified.

"Wha-? How did you-?" she stammered.

"Don't worry, you're not in trouble," he assured her. "When you first met Atsushi, I looked into your past and saw that you were in the Guild for over five years."

 _This guy's a lot more dangerous than he looks,_ Shizune thought warily.

"At first, I thought you'd approached Atsushi with some ulterior motive," he continued, "so I accepted you into the agency to keep an eye on you. I only told Kunikida-kun about your past, though. No one else knows."

"Wait...you thought I was a spy from the Guild?" she asked incredulously. "What part of me looks like a spy to you? Is it because of my fashion sense? I swear I don't dress like this because-"

 _Your fashion sense seriously sucks,_ Dazai's coat interrupted rudely. _Who_ wouldn't _think you're a spy? I mean, what normal person dresses like that?_

"I swear one day when no one's looking, I'll throw you into the river and kill you," she hissed.

Dazai smiled. "If you promise to die with me, I'll gladly let you throw me into whatever you wish."

"Huh?" she focused back on him. "Oh, right! What convinced you that I wasn't a spy?"

"Because you're terrible at lying," he replied.

"...so my lack of talent actually helped me." Shizune sighed. "Well, now that you're sure I'm not a spy, are you going to fire me?"

"Of course not," Dazai said cheerfully. "You did pass the test, after all."

She relaxed. "Oh, good. I don't want to go look for a job again."

"So, what's your actual ability?" he asked. "The Guild's records state that you can read people's pasts, but that's obviously wrong."

"If you tell me how you got that information, then I'll tell you my ability," she said.

"An information broker named Mira told me."

Shizune's expression darkened.

"That evil little-" she let out a string of curses. "I bet she's the one who told that Akutasomething guy that I'm trying to destroy the mafia! How does she even know my ability's name? Is she stalking me?"

"So you already know her," Dazai commented. "Were you two friends?"

"Hell no," Shizune replied flatly. "Mira joined the Guild the same time as Alex and me, but she seriously hated our guts."

"Why?"

"Don't know, don't care."

Dazai nodded, then looked at her expectantly.

"...if you tell anyone else about this, I'll have to murder you," she warned him.

He nodded.

Shizune took a deep breath. "My ability is...thatIcantalktoinanimateobjects."

Dazai stared at her in shock...and burst out laughing.

* * *

 _A/N: And that's the end of the chapter! I forgot to mention this, but feel free to point out any mistakes that you see (I don't have a beta reader, so I may have missed a few when editing). Constructive criticism is always welcome^^_ _Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thank you everyone who's reading this! *Gives everyone crackers* (because I'm too broke to buy cookies)_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

Dazai stared at her in shock...and burst out laughing.

Shizune stomped her foot. "It's not funny!"

"Sorry -I'm not -I mean-" He doubled over, laughing even harder.

She glared at him.

"That was completely unexpected," Dazai finally said, after catching his breath. "You know, I haven't laughed this hard in years."

"I'm glad I could be of service," she muttered.

"I like your ability." He smiled. "It suits you."

"Was that an insult or a compliment?" she asked. "Anyways, only you and Alex know what my actual ability is, so if you tell anyone..."

"I won't break my promise," Dazai replied. "Trust me."

Suddenly, Shizune realized something. "Crap, if Mira leaked information about me, then she might've leaked information about Alex too! Dazai-san, can I borrow your phone?"

He nodded...and pulled his hands out of his handcuffs.

She stared at him. "Um...if you're already free, then why aren't you escaping?"

"I'm waiting for someone," Dazai replied cheerfully. He handed over his phone. "I unlocked your handcuffs too, by the way."

Shizune tugged a bit harder on the chains, and her handcuffs sprang open.

"..." she stared at him wordlessly and took the phone.

The moment she pressed 'call', Alex immediately picked up. Suddenly, she remembered that she was still mad at her friend for the entire accidentally-blow-up-a-mafia-boss thing.

"Shizu-chan! Is that you?" Alex asked cheerfully.

"No, it's God," Shizune said flatly. "I'm calling to tell you that I gave away your spot in heaven to that lazy shut-in from across the street."

"So you're still mad at me?" she teased.

"You're the reason why I unwillingly committed murder!" Shizune hissed. "Give me back my first time! I wanted Mira to be my first victim!"

"Aw, don't be like that," Alex pouted. "Will you love me again if I buy you chocolate?"

Shizune narrowed her eyes. "IF YOU THINK THAT I'LL FORGIVE YOU IF YOU BRIBE ME WITH CHOCOLATE then you're absolutely right. How many boxes?"

"Five."

"Deal. I forgive you."

"Yay!" Alex laughed. "Maybe I'll go to Japan and visit you this week."

"I don't forgive you that much yet," Shizune replied grumpily. "By the way, Mira leaked information about me, so she might've done the same to you."

Alex gasped. " _That son of a_ -"

"She's a girl."

" _That daughter of a bitch_! When I find her, I'm going to wring her pretty little neck with that diamond choker she always wears and-"

Suddenly, a static noise interrupted her.

"The connection's really bad," Shizune said, frowning. "I'll call you back later."

"Oh, I got a new phone, so call me using this number." Alex quickly told her a string of numbers, then the connection broke off completely.

"This place has really bad signal," Shizune commented.

She gave the phone back to Dazai and put on her handcuffs again. After a few minutes, her eyelids began to feel heavy and she drifted off.

...

 _A girl walked up the path leading to an old mansion, making no sound despite the leaves under her feet. Gripping the wall of the mansion, she nimbly climbed onto its window_ _sill_ _._

 _"Hey, are you there?" she whispered, lightly knocking on the glass._

 _Immediately, a boy slammed the window open, grinning._

 _The girl yelped and quickly grabbed onto the ledge._

 _"Hey!" she protested. "I could've fallen off!"_

 _"Well you didn't," he pointed out, stepping back. "Where have you been?"_

 _She shrugged. "Don't remember."_

 _The girl hopped into the room and pulled out a knife from inside her coat. Smiling, she offered it to him._

 _The boy looked at her in confusion. "Why the sudden gift?"_

 _"You never know, we might forget each other in the future," she replied. "That knife comes in a pair, so if we each have one, then it might help us remember."_

 _"I won't forget you," the boy replied, laughing._

 _She smiled sadly. "But I will."_

...

Shizune woke up with a start. _It's those two children again,_ she thought. _Why can't I ever remember their faces?_ She yawned and glanced to her left...then blinked in surprise. Dazai was standing in the center of the room, and he looked like he'd just been in a fight. Facing him was a man wearing a hat who looked completely pissed off.

"Perfect, let's ask Shizu-chan!" Dazai said. "Shizu-chan, we're having an argument. Do you think this guy's short?"

"Shut up!" the other man snapped. "I'm NOT short!"

They both turned to her.

"..." Shizune closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

"Wha-? You can't just go back to sleep!" the man said in disbelief. "Hey! I know you can hear me!"

 _Don't drag me into your ridiculous argument,_ Shizune thought grumpily.

 _Hey girl!_ a familiar voice said. _Do you still remember me?_

Her eyes snapped open and she looked at the man's hat in shock.

"OH MY GOD IT'S YOU!" she shouted happily. "I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU! Well, not everywhere, but a few places."

"Huh?" the man frowned, then a flicker of recognition crossed his face. "Oh, you're that girl who killed the boss of the Grey Mafia."

 _Do you still remember our promise?_ the hat asked.

Shizune nodded and tugged her wrists out of her handcuffs. She pulled out a neatly wrapped package from her pocket and gave it to the man.

"Here you go!" she said cheerfully.

He stared at her in confusion, but took the package and opened it.

"Wait, isn't this the ridiculously expensive brush that's almost impossible to find?" he asked in surprise. "Why the hell are you giving it to me?"

"It's not for you," she replied, frowning. "It's for your hat."

 _Thank you!_ the hat said gratefully.

"Shizu-chan, do you know him?" Dazai asked.

"Yep. He's the guy who threatened to torture me after-" she froze in horror.

 _Crap, I was so focused on his hat that I completely forgot that he was trying to kill me! Does he still want to kill me? Maybe I should keep pretending that I'm a crossdresser. Oh, but Dazai-san's here, so I can't do that anymore-_ her thoughts turned into a jumbled mess.

"I swear I only blew up that guy because he was bald!" she blurted out. "I'm not working for anyone!"

He stared at her. "...right."

"Chuuya, you threatened to torture her?" Dazai gasped in shock. "How could you do that to a lady?"

Chuuya scowled. "Gender doesn't have anything to do with this."

"So not only do you have a horrible taste in hats, but you also have no manners." Dazai sighed.

"Do _not_ insult his hat," Shizune said, frowning. "It has a great personality and is extremely stylish."

Chuuya looked completely surprised. "Oh, thanks."

 _Thank you,_ the hat said gratefully.

"You're welcome," she replied. "You look absolutely beautiful, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Chuuya's face reddened. "Uh, you look great too."

"Huh?" Shizune said, looking away from his hat.

He blinked. "Huh?"

Dazai burst out laughing. "Shizu-chan, I really do love your ability."

Chuuya looked at them in confusion, then turned around and started walking towards the entrance.

"Hey, don't you think you're forgetting something?" Dazai called after him.

He stopped abruptly.

"Don't. You. Think. You're. Forgetting. Something?" Dazai repeated.

Chuuya whipped around. "...there will be no second chance!" he said, mimicking the voice of a girl.

Shizune burst out laughing, but Dazai simply stared at him.

"N-n-no second chance," he stammered, beginning to look embarrassed.

Dazai continued to stare at him blankly.

"HEY YOU SHOULD BE LAUGHING!" he snapped.

Chuuya threw up his hands in frustration and stormed out of the room.

"What kind of conversation were you two having?" Shizune asked, still laughing.

"Oh, nothing important," Dazai said cheerfully. "Shizu-chan, are you ready to leave?"

She nodded, catching her breath. "Yep, let's go."

* * *

 _A/N: Lol now there's a huge misunderstanding between Shizune and Chuuya. What do you think will happen next?_ _Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Hi guys! I was going to write a really emotional scene between Shizune and another character, but every time I tried to write the scene, Shizune would sneeze or something and ruin the moment...oh well^^;_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

"Shizu-chan, are you ready to leave?"

She nodded, catching her breath. "Yep, let's go."

Shizune and Dazai snuck out of the room and walked through several random hallways. After a few minutes, her mind started to wander and she thought back to her previous dream. _Hmm...maybe the girl from that dream was me?_ Shizune thought. She immediately dismissed the idea. _Nope, not possible. If I climbed up the wall of a mansion, I'd definitely fall and break my neck._

"Hey, Daz-" she began, then abruptly stopped.

He was gone. During the short time when she was lost in her thoughts, she'd accidentally gotten separated from him.

"It's alright," Shizune assured herself. "I'm totally fine."

 _No, you're not,_ the wall on her left said, sounding depressed. _You're lost in the base of the Port Mafia. You're gonna die._

She frowned. "Stop being so negative! Cheer up!"

 _Well we're all gonna die eventually, so I guess dying a bit earlier won't change anything._ The wall sighed sadly.

"No, you'll be ok! Don't give up!" she urged the wall. "You can do it -wait. Why am I comforting you? _I'm_ the one who's going to die!"

Shizune spun away from the wall and looked around. There were six different hallways in front her and they all looked identical.

"Hey, which one should I choose?" she asked the wall.

 _Hmm...I sometimes hear screaming coming from hallways one to five,_ the wall said thoughtfully.

"Ok, hallway six it is," Shizune muttered.

After what felt like an hour of walking, she finally saw a door on the right side of the hallway. _Yes! It might be an exit!_ she thought excitedly. Shizune was about walk towards it when she realized that two guards were standing in front of the door.

"Ok, Shizune," she whispered to herself. "Now's the time to use your super awesome acting skills to seduce them so that you can get out."

She mentally went over her (extremely flawed) plan and walked over to the two men. They immediately pointed their guns at her.

"State your name!" one of them ordered.

Shizune's mind went blank. _What's my plan again? Um..._

"I no speak japanese!" she blurted out. "This is washroom?"

The two guards looked at each other. "Uh...no, this is the Boss's office."

 _WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH BAD LUCK?_ she mentally screamed.

"Oh, no washroom. I see," Shizune said hurriedly. "Ok. I leave."

"Wait." The shorter of the two men blocked her path. "Are you new here? I haven't seen you before."

"I new," she agreed. "I from the...um...pizza division."

"We have a pizza division?" The man frowned.

She nodded. "Yes! Good pizza! Very cheap."

The man suddenly looked interested. "How cheap?"

"Um..."

"Hey! You two!" said a familiar voice. "Stop slacking off-"

Chuuya stopped and stared at her in disbelief. _What the hell are you doing here?_ his expression said.

 _HELP,_ she mouthed to him.

"Oh, Nakahara-san, do you know her?" the shorter guard asked.

"She's my...new subordinate," he lied. "I was just showing her around."

The guard looked confused. "But she said that she's from the pizza division."

"Uh, she meant that she _was_ from the pizza division," he replied. "I had her transferred."

The guards nodded and didn't question them further. Shizune followed Chuuya down a hallway on their left, and once the guards were out of sight, he spun around and glared at her.

"What the hell's a _pizza division_?" he asked in disbelief.

"I panicked!" she said defensively. "When I panic, pizza's my first reaction!"

"What kind of first reaction is that?"

She shrugged. "Well anyways, thanks for helping me. You know, I totally thought that you were the beat-up-everything-that-moves type of person, but you're actually really nice!"

"Uh, right," he said awkwardly. "So, why are you alone? Weren't you with that bastard Dazai?"

"I was daydreaming and I got lost," she replied honestly. "Hey, do you know how to get out of here?"

He pointed to the door at the end of the hallway. "Go through that and turn left."

Shizune smiled. "Thank you!"

She opened the door and was about to turn left, but a bright red button on her right caught her eye.

"'Do not press this button'," she read aloud.

Shizune immediately felt an overwhelming urge to press the button.

"No," she scolded herself. "You're a responsible adult, so you need to act like it!"

 _But you know you want to,_ the button said persuasively. _Why don't you just press me?_

She paused.

 _Come on,_ the button urged her. _Just one push._

Shizune gave in and slammed the button. Immediately, the wall behind it opened, revealing a passcode lock.

 _Well I've already gotten this far,_ she thought. _Might as well go in._

"Hey, what's the passcode?" she asked the lock.

 _If I tell you, then the Port Mafia might get into trouble,_ the lock said.

"It's not like you care," Shizune pointed out.

 _...true._ The lock told her the passcode.

She quickly typed in the code and another layer of the wall opened, revealing a small room filled with papers. Shizune blinked in surprise when she saw Dazai, who was leaning against a table in the center of the room.

"Shizu-chan! You're ok!" he said cheerfully.

"Yes, but I almost ended up in the mafia boss's office."

"I'm guessing that Chuuya helped you?" he asked casually.

 _I knew it! He_ is _a mind reader!_ Shizune thought triumphantly. _Ok, just to make sure..._ She took a deep breath and mentally screamed as loud as she could. Dazai didn't react.

"Or maybe not...?" she muttered.

"Oh, Shizu-chan, you might want to see this," he said.

He handed her a stack of papers and she quickly glanced over them.

"Huh, so Atsushi has a bounty on his head," she commented. "How much is he wor -OH MY GOD HE'S WORTH THAT MUCH?"

Shizune stared at the bounty for an entire minute before finally tearing her eyes away. She continued reading, and her eyes widened in surprise when she saw the picture at the bottom of the page.

"It's the leader of the Guild!" she said in shock. "His name's...um...Frank? Or is it Gerard? Or maybe Susan?"

"Fitzgerald?" Dazai suggested.

"Yes, that!"

Shizune gave the papers back to him and frowned. "If he wants to capture Atsushi, then it'll be really hard for anyone to stop him."

"I have a plan," Dazai replied, "but the plan won't work without your help."

"I'll help you," Shizune assured him. "Oh, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill Frank. I owe him a lot."

He smiled. "Deal."

* * *

 _A/N: Ah yes, Frank, the feared and revered leader of the Guild. Later, you guys will know why she can't remember his name^^ Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: As a thank you to everyone reading this story, I made this chapter extra long^^ Enjoy!_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

"I'll help you," Shizune assured him. "Oh, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill Frank. I owe him a lot."

He smiled. "Deal."

Shizune and Dazai exited the room and left the base of the Port Mafia.

(A/N: This time, she didn't get lost...mostly.)

They walked through several alleys before entering a crowded street. At Dazai's suggestion, they went into a nearby fast food restaurant and ordered lunch.

"Oh, we should tell the detective agency that we escaped," Shizune said while unwrapping her hamburger.

"I'll tell them later," Dazai replied, smiling. "You can go back to the agency first."

She nodded, finished her hamburger in three bites, and stood up. "Thanks for buying me lunch! I promise I'll pay you back once I'm not broke."

"No, it's fine," he said cheerfully. "Instead, would you like to commit a double su-"

"No."

Shizune waved goodbye and exited the restaurant. She started walking back to the detective agency, and by the time she found the building, it was already dark. She opened the front door, climbed up the stairs, and ran into the office.

"Hi! I'm back!" she called.

Kunikida was the only person inside, and he immediately turned around when he heard her enter.

"Where have you been?" he asked. "You missed an entire day of work!"

"It's not my fault!" Shizune said defensively. "I got captured by the Port Mafia."

He blinked in shock. "The _Port Mafia_? How did you escape?"

"I joined the pizza division," she replied.

"...the Port Mafia has a pizza division?"

She shrugged. "It does now."

Shizune gave him a quick report about what had happened, and then left the office. She walked to her room and was about to take off her coat when she noticed a large package on her bed. She picked it up and tore it open, revealing five boxes of chocolates and a handwritten letter.

"Oh, it's from Alex," she said in surprise.

Shizune unfolded the letter and read it over quickly:

 _Hi Shizu-chan!_

 _These are the 5 boxes of chocolates that I promised_ _:)_

 _Hey, remember when we travelled to Japan last year to visit my uncle (the one that makes really bad sushi)? I brought a bunch of really important files with me and accidentally left them near his house. My boss said that if I don't get them back, he'll sell me to a shady organization for three goats! Seriously, I'm worth at least five goats:'(_

 _I drew a map of where I left the files on the back of this letter. HELP MEEEE!_

 _Love,_

 _Alex_

 _P.S. I was really hungry so I ate some of the chocolates. Oops^^_

Shizune gasped in horror and quickly opened the boxes.

"ALEX YOU BASTARD YOU ATE _ALL_ OF THEM!" she hissed furiously. "I take it back, I don't forgive you! I hope you get sold to a shady organization for _one_ goat!"

She shoved the letter and the boxes of chocolates into a corner of the room and fell onto her bed. _I'm definitely not helping her,_ Shizune thought grumpily. _Anyways, her boss threatens to sell her all the time. She'll be fine._

After a few minutes, her eyelids started to feel heavy and she drifted off.

...

She was woken by a soft knock on her door.

"Shizune-san?" a voice called. "If you don't get up, you'll be late for work."

Shizune muttered something incomprehensible and shoved her head under her pillow.

"If you're late, Kunikida-san will scold you," the voice said nervously.

"Just five more days," she mumbled back.

"...I heard that they're giving out free food in the office today."

Her eyes snapped open. "I'm coming!"

Shizune quickly threw on her clothes and slammed open the door. Atsushi was waiting for her outside, and he smiled when he saw her.

"I'm glad you're ok!" he said. "I was really worried when I heard that you and Dazai-san had disappeared."

She smiled. "I'm fine. Dazai-san's also fine...I think."

They walked to the office, and she noticed that Atsushi looked extremely worried.

"What's wrong?" Shizune asked.

"Well, I recently saved a young girl and brought her back to the agency," he explained, "but she used to work for the Port Mafia, so I don't know if the others will accept her. I mean, what if they don't? What if they can't forgive her? What if th-"

"Ok ok stop," she interrupted him. "You have to think positively! If the agency doesn't like her, then they'll probably just sell her to some shady organization for three goats. And if that happens, you can just buy her back!"

"Uh...why goats?" Atsushi asked in confusion.

Shizune looked surprised. "Well, the detective agency that Alex works for sells its employees for goats. Is it different for this agency?"

"I-I'm not sure," he replied, looking panicked. "Maybe they do? They never told me!"

Atsushi ran to the office door and flung it open. He sprinted across the room, grabbed Kunikida by the shoulders, and started to violently shake him.

"Please don't sell Kyouka-chan for three goats!" he shouted desperately. "Sell me instead!"

"Huh? Atsushi, what-?" Kunikida began.

"Morning everyone!" Shizune said cheerfully, and walked inside.

Almost everyone in the room except Kunikida was crowded around a young girl dressed in a maid outfit. Shizune's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hey, I know you! You're the girl who attacked me with the...um..." she frowned.

 _I don't really remember. It was big and white..._

"...snowman!" she finished.

The girl ran over to her and bowed. "My name is Kyouka. I'm sorry I attacked you before."

"Oh, it's fine," Shizune assured her.

"Kyouka-chan, are you ok?" Atsushi asked worriedly. "They didn't try to sell you or anything, right?"

Kyouka shook her head. "They didn't do anything to me. I'm fine."

Shizune walked away from them and looked around the office.

"Hey, where's the free food?" she asked Kunikida, who still looked confused from Atsushi's outburst.

"Free food?" he frowned. "There's a jar of crackers by the window, but it might be expir-"

She ran to the window and happily began to munch on the crackers.

Kunikida sighed. "Shizune, today you're going to go with another member of the agency to investigate a murder. You can choose who you want to go with."

"I'll go with Atsushi," she mumbled through a mouthful of crackers.

"Atsushi's still inexperienced," Kunikida said curtly. "Choose someone else."

She shrugged. "Then I'll go with you."

"Alright then." He nodded. "We'll leave in exactly two minutes and thirty seconds."

She blinked. _Two minutes and thirty seconds? But..._

"Wait! I can't eat all these crackers in two minutes!" she protested.

His eye twitched. " _Then don't_."

She ignored him and continued to stuff her face with crackers until Kunikida pulled her away exactly two minutes and 30 seconds later. He dragged her out of the building and onto the street.

"The crime scene's not far from here, so we'll walk," he told her.

Shizune nodded and continued munching on crackers.

"I can't believe you brought the crackers with you," Kunikida muttered. "You'll probably get indigestion from eating so much expired food."

Shizune frowned. "Kunikida-san, I'm going to teach you a very important life lesson: when you're broke, you need to be thankful for every scrap of food you can find, whether it gives you indigestion or not."

"If I tried to steal the food from you, would you fight me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She narrowed her eyes. " _Try it and I'll destroy you_."

Kunikida shook his head and started walking while Shizune trailed after him. They crossed the street and cut through a narrow alley. By the time they reached the end of the alley, Shizune had eaten over half of the crackers.

"The crime scene's just beyond here," Kunikida told her.

They exited the alley and walked into a dead end surrounded by several old buildings. Suddenly, the window of one of the buildings shattered, and two people landed in front of them. Shizune immediately recognized the taller one.

"Hi Dazai-san!" she called.

Dazai smiled and waved before dodging a knife thrown by his opponent. The other man was wearing a large brown cloak that billowed around him.

"Dazai!" Kunikida exclaimed. "Where have you be-"

He was cut off when the man dressed in brown threw a bomb into the air, which detonated in a blast of smoke. Shizune ignored the bomb and stared at the man intently. _He reminds me of something,_ she thought, frowning. _He looks like...um..._

"Kunikida-kun!" Dazai said cheerfully. "Haven't seen you in a while! How's work?"

"What do you mean 'how's work'?" Kunikida snapped. " _You're_ the one who's supposed to be working!"

"I got it!" Shizune blurted out, pointing at the man dressed in brown. "You look like a giant mushroom!"

The fight abruptly stopped, and the others stared at her.

"Wha-?" the man's face reddened in anger. "You dare call me, the great Mukuro, a giant _mushroom_?"

He spread his hands and threw what appeared to be a ball of fire at her.

"Duck!" Kunikida yelled.

Unfortunately, Shizune had no common sense whatsoever, so instead of trying to dodge the ball of fire, she tried to catch it. Even more unfortunately, Shizune had no reflexes whatsoever, so she missed the ball of fire and it hit her straight in the face.

" _Ow_!" she yelped.

Surprisingly, the impact didn't really hurt her and the flames didn't feel hot. Shizune was about to relax when she suddenly felt a ripple of pain spread through her entire body. Her vision doubled and she felt as if her limbs were being ripped off.

"Wait, isn't that...?" Kunikida said in shock.

When Shizune's vision cleared, she tried to stand, but suddenly felt extremely heavy. Blinking, she looked at her reflection in a building on her left and froze in shock. The creature staring back at her had scales, wings, and slitted eyes.

"Ok, don't panic," Kunikida said, sounding completely panicked.

At that moment, three thoughts went through her head. One: she'd somehow been turned into a dragon. Two: she could now eat as much as she wanted without anyone judging her. And three:

"I LOOK FREAKING AWESOME!" she screamed in delight.

Mukuro stared at her. "...what?"

"Ohmygodthankyousomuch!" she told him gratefully.

"I turned you into a terrifying beast!" he shouted angrily. "You're not supposed to be happy!"

Shizune flipped her hair (or at least tried to). "You're just jealous cause I look more fabulous than you."

"B-but..." he stuttered, looking at a complete loss for words.

Suddenly, Shizune felt a twinge of pain, and she looked at her reflection in the building in surprise as it morphed back into a human.

"Huh? I changed back?" she said disappointedly.

"That's impossible!" Mukuro exclaimed in shock. "My ability's effects are permanent! If you're resistant to curses, then that means..."

"That means...?" she prompted.

He paled and backed away from her. "D-do you work for _them_?"

 _Well, in a cliché situation, I'm supposed to laugh evilly and say something like, 'MUAHAHAHA! That's right! Now that you know, I must eliminate you!'_ Shizune thought while staring at him. _...o_ _k, let's try that._

She laughed evilly. "MUAHAHAHA! That's right! Now that you know, I must eliminate you!"

Mukuro screamed in terror and stumbled back. "Spare me, please! I have five cats and a hamster at home!"

"What? You have _five_ cats?!" Shizune said indignantly. "That's completely unfair! Give me one!"

He looked at her with a mixture of fear and confusion. Suddenly, Kunikida leapt towards Mukuro and kicked him in the gut, instantly knocking him out.

"I'm taking him to the police department. He might be the murderer from the crime we're trying to solve," Kunikida said. "Dazai, take Shizune back with you. She'll probably get lost if she goes back by herself."

Dazai smiled and waved his hand. "Sure, sure. Off you go!"

Kunikida grabbed Mukuro by his hair and dragged him away, leaving Shizune and Dazai alone.

"Dazai-san, do you know what that mushroom guy was talking about?" she asked.

"Not at all!" he said, smiling.

Shizune studied his expression, but couldn't tell if he was lying or not.

"Oh, Shizu-chan, can I ask you for a small favour?" Dazai asked.

Suddenly, she had war flashbacks of all the times that Alex had asked her for a 'small' favour.

"...is it life threatening?" she asked warily.

"Of course not!" he assured her. "I just want you to steal something from the leader of the Guild."

Shizune resisted the urge to strangle him. "YOU CALL THAT _NOT_ LIFE THREATENING?"

"If you agree, I'll buy you dinner for the rest of this month," he said.

"...deal."

* * *

 _A/N: Yay! Shizune finally has a useful skill: resistance against curses! The ratio of useful skills to useless skills that Shizune has is about 1_ _:_ _17\. Or maybe 1_ _:_ _18\. In the next chapter, the members of the Guild will show up^^_ _Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._

Guest: Thanks for reviewing! Haha Shizune does have a talent for making things hilarious...maybe she'll end up quitting the Armed Detective Agency and becoming a comedian^^


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for being MIA for so long. I've been procrastinating like crazy for the past few weeks, so all I've been doing in my free time is eating crackers and sleeping...wow, I'm starting to sound like Shizune0_0 Anyways, enjoy!_

 _Also, in the future, if you guys don't see an update for a long time, don't worry (it just means that I'm being lazy). I definitely won't abandon this story^^_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

"If you agree, I'll buy you dinner for the rest of this month," he said.

"...deal."

 _I'm going to regret this so much,_ Shizune thought.

Dazai smiled. "Great! I want you to steal a letter from the leader of the Guild. He always carries it with him, so you'll have to be careful."

"Um, do I have to travel to North America and find him?" she asked. "I'm kinda broke right now, so I can't really afford a plane ticket..."

"No, he'll come here soon," Dazai replied.

He turned around and started walking back to the agency while Shizune slowly trailed after him, lost in her thoughts. On the way back, she bumped into six people, walked into three poles, and nearly fell headfirst into a trashcan.

(A/N: Yeah, I have no idea how that last one happened either.)

For the rest of the day, she walked around the agency in a daze while trying to think of a way to steal the letter.

 _Ok, I'll ask Frank out to dinner,_ Shizune decided. _While he's focused on eating, I'll throw my hamburger at him, knock him out, and steal the letter before he wakes up._ Satisfied with her brilliant plan, she went into her room and immediately fell asleep.

...

The next morning, she dragged herself out of bed and headed to work, still going over her brilliant plan in her mind. Yawning, she stumbled across the hall and opened the door to the office.

"Good mo-" Shizune stopped abruptly and glanced around the room.

 _Oops, this isn't the office,_ she realized. She was about to leave when she heard footsteps approaching. Panicking, Shizune dived under a table in the center of the room and held her breath.

She peeked out and saw two men enter the room, followed by several other people. One man's hair was silver while the other's was blond. Immediately, she recognized them as the President and the leader of the Guild.

 _Wait, Frank's already here? Should I steal the letter from him right now?_ Shizune thought. _Oh, but I really want to throw a hamburger at him..._ While she was having a mental battle with herself, the two men sat down at the table and the other people stood in a half circle behind them. She heard Fitzgerald ask (or rather demand) to buy the agency, but the President immediately refused.

 _Ok, it's now or never,_ Shizune thought.

Taking a deep breath, she jumped out from under the table and brushed herself off.

"Hi Frank!" she said cheerfully. "Long time no see! How's life?"

The conversation abruptly stopped and everyone in the room stared at her in various states of shock.

 _Crap, I knew I should've stuck with the hamburger plan_ , Shizune thought. She was about to make a run for it, but a loud gasp stopped her in her tracks.

 _Oh my god. Seriously?_ Fitzgerald's shoe said in distaste. _I can't believe you're wearing a_ red _shirt with_ blue _jeans! And are those cracker crumbs in your hair? Oh, and your coat is, like, totally last season-_

Shizune silently stared at the shoe while it continued to ramble on about her various failures in fashion. _Ok, that's it,_ she thought. _I already got insulted enough by that hat in chapter 4. I will not be insulted by another object for the rest of this story._ She straightened herself up and looked Fitzgerald dead in the eye.

"Frank," she said calmly, "please give me your shoe."

He raised an eyebrow. "...excuse me?"

"Your shoe," she repeated.

He reached down, took off his shoe, and tossed it to her. _...wow, I didn't expect him to actually give it to me,_ she thought. She nodded to him, then opened the door and left the room.

 _Hey, stop being so rough with me!_ the shoe snapped. _Ugh, why are you so rude?_

" _I'm_ rude?" Shizune said disbelievingly.

 _Ok, it's time to get really emotional and give a one hour long dramatic speech about my feelings,_ she thought.

Shizune took a deep breath and glared at the shoe. "For my entire life, I've suffered and endured the verbal torment of your kind. Now, I must take a stand and I must...um..."

She paused, struggling to find the right words.

"...you know what?" She frowned. "Never mind. Basically, I'm gonna chuck you out the window. Serves you right for bullying me!"

 _Wha-?_ the shoe said in horror. _Wait! You can't just-_

She ignored it and walked across the hall to the office.

"Shizune, you're late," Kunikida said the moment she opened the door. "You still need to write a rep -wait, why are you carrying a shoe?"

Shizune walked past him and opened the same window that she'd thrown Ranpo's hat out of. She raised her arm and was about to toss the shoe out when she heard a soft rattling sound.

"Huh?" She lowered her arm in confusion.

 _I think it came from inside the shoe,_ Shizune thought. Gripping its sole, she twisted it as hard as she could. With a soft click, the sole came off and a neatly folded golden letter fell out.

Shizune's eyes widened in surprise. _Wait, isn't this the letter that Dazai-san wanted me to steal?_

She quickly tossed the shoe out the window (there was a loud thump followed by a high pitched scream) and picked up the letter. Out of curiosity, she started to unfold it, but suddenly felt someone grip her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" a voice asked from behind her.

Shizune flinched in shock and spun around, coming face-to-face with Dazai.

"Oh, Dazai-san!" she said in relief.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He smiled. "By the way, what are you holding?"

She blinked. "Oh, right! I got the thing that you wanted."

Shizune handed him the letter and it fluttered open slightly. In that moment, she caught a glimpse of a picture stamped inside: it looked like a raven with blood-red eyes perched on a gravestone. Dazai quickly took the letter and shoved it into his coat pocket before she could see anything else.

"Well, that was fast!" he said cheerfully. "Thanks, Shizu-chan. As promised, I'll buy you dinner for the rest of this month."

Shizune immediately forgot about the letter and smiled at him happily. Waving goodbye, she turned around and practically skipped out of the office.

"Oh, I should probably go write that report that Kunikida-san wanted," she said.

She walked into a room beside the office and looked around. On the windowsill, the report that she'd (sort of) started to write yesterday was exactly where she'd left it.

"Ok, time to be productive." Shizune sighed.

She picked up the report and turned around to leave, then froze when she noticed a man standing next to the door that she'd came in from. He had long, unkept hair and pale black eyes with dark circles underneath them.

"...Lovecraft," Shizune said, sounding horrified.

Lovecraft smiled at her. "Hello, Shizune."

He took a step towards her and reached out a hand. Without hesitation, Shizune spun around and jumped out the nearest window. She landed in a clump of bushes, got up, and sprinted down the street.

"Shizune, wait!" Lovecraft called after her, sounding hurt.

Shizune continued running and ducked behind a few cars before entering another street.

"That wasn't him," she tried to convince herself. "You just saw a big...fluffy unicorn! Yep, it was definitely a unicorn."

She felt her heartbeat slowing down and she glanced back -then screamed when she saw Lovecraft running after her.

"NO, YOU'RE A FLUFFY UNICORN!" she shouted, running faster. "YOU DON'T EXIST!"

(A/N: So you might be wondering, _why's she so terrified of him?_ Remember how Shizune used to be in the Guild? Well, Lovecraft once gave her 'something cute' for her birthday, and his gift mentally traumatized her for life.)

"Is this because of the duck gift?" he asked, still running after her. "I'm sorry if it scared you! I thought that most women liked animals!"

"Those were _not_ animals!" she shouted back. "Those were yellow minions of hell! Sorry, but don't come near me. I can't look at you without seeing _those_ things!"

Shizune veered towards the right, entered a narrow alley, and dived behind a trashcan. When she saw Lovecraft run past her hiding place, she let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, she felt something cold being pressed against her temple.

"Move and I'll shoot," said a voice from behind her.

 _...well crap,_ she thought.

* * *

 _A/N: Haha cliffhanger! *Runs before anyone can murder me* See you guys next chapter^^ Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Hi guys! I finally decided to stop being lazy and update this story. For some reason, this chapter ended up being really long...oh well^^_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

Suddenly, Shizune felt something cold being pressed against her temple.

"Move and I'll shoot," said a voice from behind her.

 _...well crap,_ she thought.

"Turn around slowly," the voice ordered. "Keep your hands where I can see them."

Suddenly, Shizune felt an overwhelming urge to sneeze. _Ok, this is definitely not the right time to sneeze,_ she thought. _Think non-sneezing thoughts, Shizune! Be at peace with your inner nose!_ She raised her hands and turned around while making various weird faces, trying to hold back her sneeze. The person -a man who looked like he was in his early thirties- frowned in confusion at her expressions.

"Don't try anything funny," he warned.

 _No, I refuse to get shot because of something this ridiculous,_ Shizune thought firmly. _I will not die in such a -OH GOD THAT'S IT I CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMO-_

" _ACHOO_!" she sneezed violently.

The man yelled in shock and stumbled backwards. His shot completely missed her and the bullet lodged itself into a wall.

"Sorry about that," she mumbled, "please continue."

He gripped his earpiece and quickly spoke into it. "Akutagawa-san, I found the target."

"What? No you didn't." Shizune frowned. "I'm definitely _not_ a target. Go find someone else!"

The man ignored her and listened intently to his earpiece.

"Yes sir." He nodded. "Permission to kill?"

"Huh? No! No permission to kill!" she said frantically.

The man pulled out a knife and advanced towards her. Taking a deep breath, Shizune clenched her fists and got ready to fight him with her super awesome nonexistent kung-fu skills.

Unfortunately, at that moment, she felt another sneeze coming.

"Oh, you've got to be kid - _ACHOO_!" she sneezed even more violently than before, and stumbled backwards from the force of it.

The man flinched and nearly dropped his knife.

"Stop doing that!" He glared at her.

"Well _excuse me_ - _ACHOO_ \- for sneezing - _ACHOO_ \- while you're trying to kill me!" she snapped, rubbing her nose.

 _Ugh, I think my allergies are acting up._ Shizune frowned. _...what am I allergic to again?_

The man lunged towards her, but before she could even think to dodge, a person appeared out of nowhere and punched him straight in the face. The man flew backwards with incredible force and slammed into a wall, which immediately knocked him out. The person turned around and looked at Shizune worriedly.

"Are you ok, Shizune-san?"

Shizune stared at him for a few seconds, then recognized his silver hair. "...Atsushi?"

He smiled. "I saw you running from someone, so I followed you. You're not hurt, right?"

"No." She shook her head. "Thanks for helping m-"

Suddenly, she noticed that he was carrying a large package wrapped in gold paper. She read the label on it and gasped in shock.

"Is that _Moose Cheese_?" she said, sounding stunned.

He blinked. "Huh? Yes, a client gave it to me as a thank-you gift."

"Do you know how much that cheese is worth?" she asked disbelievingly. "I can't believe you're just casually strolling around while carrying that! Someone could try to kill you! _I_ could try to kill you!"

He looked surprised. "Oh, uh, should I hide it somewh-"

"What are _you_ doing here?" A cold voice interrupted them.

Shizune spun around and saw a man in a black coat walking towards them. He stopped at the entrance of the alley and glared at them.

 _Oh, he's the guy who I met in the Port Mafia's prison!_ She realized. _His name's...Aku? Amu? Amoose? A moose! Moose Cheese! Ah, I love cheese..._

(A/N: Not the best time to be daydreaming about cheese, Shizune.)

Atsushi stiffened, and before she could even blink, he grabbed her and jumped over 20 feet onto the wall of the alley. Without pausing, he leapt from wall to wall until he reached the roof of a nearby building.

Landing lightly, he put Shizune down and gave her the package that he was holding.

"Run!" he told her. "I'll distract Akutagawa for as long as I can."

She frowned. "You can't beat him on your own! You should run too."

"No." He shook his head. "You need to escape first."

Shizune was about to argue when she heard a noise from her left. Turning around, she caught sight of a young girl standing a few feet away from them. The girl was staring at them with wide eyes and seemed to be frozen in shock.

 _Why's she all alone?_ she thought in confusion. Atsushi walked towards the girl and knelt down in front of her.

"What's your name?" he asked her gently.

"...Mira," the girl replied, shrinking backwards in fear.

"Mira? Wow, that name brings back bad memories," Shizune muttered under her breath.

"It's ok, Mira-chan," Atsushi said, smiling. "We won't hurt you. It's not safe here, so g-"

A streak of red and black shot towards him, cutting him off mid-sentence. Several more blades followed, and Atsushi stumbled backwards when one of them struck his arm.

"Is that all you've got, man-tiger?" Akutagawa slowly stalked towards them, an expression of disdain on his face. "How utterly disappointing. I don't understand why _he_ chose you of all people."

Without hesitation, he started attacking Atsushi again, and the blades became a blur.

"Here, hold this!" Shizune quickly shoved the package of cheese into Mira's hands, and the young girl gripped it while staring at Shizune in panic.

"Protect it with your life!" she told her.

She ran closer to where Atsushi was fighting, but stayed a few feet back. Although he was dodging most of the attacks, She could tell that he was already beginning to lose speed.

 _Ok, I need to help him,_ she thought. _What should I do? If I act without thinking, I'll just get in his way._

Suddenly, the roof underneath Shizune screamed in horror and she flinched in surprise.

 _OH MY GOD YOU IDIOTS ARE GETTING BLOOD ALL OVER ME!_ it screeched. _YOU'RE RUINING MY SKIN! GO KILL EACH OTHER SOMEWHERE ELSE!_

Shizune frowned. "Wait, they're _both_ getting blood all over you? But isn't Atsushi the only one bleeding?"

 _No, they're both bleeding,_ the ground hissed. _I can tell since they're both STILL SPLATTERING IT ALL OVER ME ARGH YOU ASSHOLES ARE AJSDFBLFRKDKL!_

The ground began to swear so violently that Shizune had an urge to cover Mira's ears even though she knew that the girl couldn't hear anything.

 _Well, Atsushi's been dodging all this time, so he couldn't have injured Akutagawa,_ Shizune thought. _In other words, he was already injured before this fight started._ She studied Akutagawa closely and noticed a stain of red spreading across his left pant leg.

"Atsushi! Aim for his left leg!" Shizune shouted.

Akutagawa's eyes widened. "How did you-?"

Atsushi sprang forwards and kicked him with a burst of strength. Hissing in pain, Akutagawa stumbled backwards and his leg buckled underneath him, causing him to stumble over the ledge of the building. He shot several more blades at Atsushi, but missed and destroyed a part of the building instead.

A loud shriek cut through the air, and both Shizune and Atsushi spun around to look for the source of the sound. Mira was standing on the part of the building that had been hit, and before either of them could move, the girl dropped the package that Shizune had given her and slipped off the building.

"Mira-chan!" Atsushi shouted, looking horrified.

"Moose cheese!" Shizune shouted, looking just as horrified.

(A/N: She's totally got her priorities straight.)

They both jumped off the building. Shizune grabbed the package of cheese in midair and hugged it to her chest. _I have no regrets,_ she thought, and closed her eyes.

 _...hey, is it possible to eat this before I hit the ground?_

Before she could try, she felt a jarring impact which knocked the wind out of her. _...that wasn't as painful as I expected,_ she thought in surprise. Opening an eye, she realized that Atsushi -who was fully transformed into a tiger- had cushioned her fall. _NOOOOOO! I SQUASHED A CAT!_ Shizune mentally screamed in horror.

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU OK?" she shouted frantically. "Um...hospital! Right! We need to go to a hospital. Wait, do cats have health insurance? Can cats even go to hospitals?"

A flash of blue light interrupted her panicking, and when the light faded, Atsushi had transformed back into a human. He smiled at her and nodded reassuringly...then passed out cold.

"No! Don't die!" she shouted in horror.

Suddenly, Shizune heard a loud sigh from behind her. She turned around and blinked in surprise when she saw Kunikida walking towards them.

"Just as Dazai predicted," he muttered, and threw Atsushi over his shoulder. "I'm taking him back to the agency. Don't worry, he'll be fine."

"I'll go with you," she said quickly, getting up.

He shook his head. "Dazai will be here soon, so go back with him. Make sure he doesn't try to commit suicide or cause any trouble for the general public."

Shizune hesitated, then nodded and sat back down. "Ok, but take this back with you."

She handed over the package of cheese to Kunikida, who looked at it in confusion but didn't ask any questions. He turned around and walked down the street, and she soon lost sight of him.

 _Come to think of it, where's Mira-chan?_ She frowned in puzzlement. _I thought Atsushi went after her._ She looked around, but the girl was nowhere to be seen. After nearly an hour of searching, Shizune finally gave up and sat down on a bench on the sidewalk, completely exhausted from the day's events.

"Hi Shizu-chan!" a voice called.

She turned around and saw Dazai waving at her from across the street. She waved back and ran over, then they both started walking back to the agency. After a few minutes of idle chatter, Shizune suddenly stopped and pointed at a graveyard to their left.

"Hey, that looks like a shortcut!" she said excitedly. "If we go through there, then we can probably make it back to the agency and still have time for dinner!"

Dazai nodded and they changed directions. The moment she stepped into the graveyard, she immediately regretted her decision. A heavy fog blanketed the entire place and it was eerily quiet, making her feel as if she was in a horror movie. _I should've brought a bag of salt,_ Shizune thought. _If a ghost attacks me, I'll be completely defenceless! Ugh, how could I have forgotten to bring my exorcism tools?_

They had almost reached the other side of the graveyard when Dazai abruptly stopped and looked down. She followed his gaze and saw gravestone with a bouquet of white flowers in front of it.

"'Oda Sakunosuke'," she read out loud.

For some reason, she felt a pang of sadness.

"Dazai-san," she said gently, "I'm truly sorry about your friend's death, but there's nothing you could've done to save him."

Dazai froze, then spun around and stared at Shizune.

"You know who he is?" he asked, sounding completely shocked.

She blinked. "Huh? Oh, I guess so. But-"

"Shizune." He swiftly walked over to her and gripped her shoulders. " _How do you know who he is_?"

"Um...lucky guess?" She flinched at the intensity of his gaze.

"Then do you remember who I am?" he suddenly asked.

"Of course I remember who you are," she replied in confusion. "I just spoke to you this morning. My memory's not _that_ bad."

A flicker of disappointment crossed his face and he stepped back.

"Sorry, forget what I just said." Dazai smiled, looking completely normal again. "Let's go back to the agency."

She frowned, feeling even more confused. "...sure."

They walked the rest of the way back in silence. When they arrived at the building, she waved goodbye to Dazai and went to her room, only stopping once to check on Atsushi who was in the infirmary. Falling onto her bed, she thought about the day's events. _Why did I know who that man was?_ she thought, rolling over on her bed. _...maybe I've been eating too much expired crackers and it's starting to mess with my head._

"I should stop eating expired crackers," she said thoughtfully, then immediately changed her mind. "...nah, it probably won't kill me anyway."

Closing her eyes, Shizune buried her face in her pillow and fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

 _A/N: So how did Shizune know about Odasaku? Lucky guess? A coincidence? The power of expired crackers? Who knows^^ Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


	11. AN

_Hi guys! Sorry this isn't an update -I just wanted you guys to know that I haven't forgotten about this story. I'm currently drowning in essays and exams, but I'll try to update as soon as they're over:) Right now, I'm half tempted to throw my textbooks (and professors) out the window..._

 _Also, I've read through the previous chapters and fixed some mistakes. Nothing was changed plotwise -just grammar, spelling, etc. Hopefully, that'll make it easier to read^^ Thank you for your patience!_


	12. Special Chapter

_A/N: *Cautiously pokes head out from under a pile of essays* H-hi guys, I know I've been MIA for a while, and I'm really sor- *gets attacked by a hoard of angry readers*_

Notice: Due to the sudden death of the author, the update of the new chapter will be delayed.

 _I'm really sorry guys, I actually wanted to update chapter 11 today, but first year of university has killed me mentally (and financially), so I didn't have time to write anything until now. As an apology, I've decided to post a special chapter first^^ A lot of you were curious about Shizune's past, so I've decided to write a chapter about it. Also, don't worry, the characters of Bungou Stray Dogs that you all know and love will appear:)_

 _As for chapter 11, I'll post it in a few days, so for now, please enjoy chapter 10.5 (and thank you all for being so patient)!_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

In a crowded street somewhere in Yokohama, people hurriedly rushed past each other, going about their daily business. Suddenly, in a small store on the corner of the street, a terrifying scream could be heard.

"CHHOOOCOLLAEEETTTEESSSS!"

With a loud and desperate screech, a young girl shoved through the crowd of people and pounced on a table stacked with boxes of free samples.

 _Ok, I have exactly 5 minutes before they call the police,_ she thought, _thats enough time to grab 30.42 boxes. So I'll take that and that and that and..._

After shoving as many boxes as she could carry into a bag, the girl spun around and sprinted out of the store.

"Yes, I made it! I'm free! I-" She yelped as she felt someone grab her by the collar, and she stumbled to a halt.

"What do you think you're doing?" a voice behind her snapped.

She turned around and came face-to-face with a boy about her age, who was glaring at her.

"...um, I no speak Japanese?" she said hopefully. "Please be nice to foreigner-san?"

The boy scowled. "You just spoke Japanese a minute ago!"

 _...crap,_ she thought.

"Well, the chocolates were free samples!" she said defensively. "Just because I took a few extra boxes doesn't mean I did anything wrong! I have a family to feed! We have taxes to pay!"

He stared at her in disbelief. "You look the same age as me. You can't be older than twelve."

"..."

She spun around and started running again, but the boy immediately grabbed her.

 _How is he so fast?_ she thought, frowning. _I know I'm carrying 30.42 boxes of chocolates, but still, most people wouldn't be able to catch up with me._

"Look, just give me one box." The boy sighed. "My...friend...asked me to get him a sample."

She narrowed her eyes. "Fine. Just one."

Reaching into her bag, she tossed him a box, then turned around...only to be grabbed by the collar again.

"Stop doing that!" she snapped. "I gave you a box! What else do you want? My clothes? My money? My soul?"

"...no, look in front of you," the boy said, sounding tense.

She turned in the direction he was pointing, and saw a man walking towards them. The man stopped a few feet away from them, and she could see that he had a knife hidden in the folds of his cloak.

"Shizune Hirano?" the man's voice was muffled by the scarf he was wearing, but his tone was cold and filled with bloodlust.

"...oh." Shizune tilted her head. "Can I help you?"

The man lunged at her and she reached into her coat pocket, but before she could act, the boy beside her ducked beneath the man's arm and punched him with enough force that he coughed up blood. Without pause, the boy punched him twice more, and the man's eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped over, unconscious.

 _That was unexpected,_ she thought, slowly pulling her hand out of her pocket. _Well, he helped me, so I should thank him._

"Tha-"

"Hey, what's your name?" the boy suddenly asked her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

 _Oh, right, that man said my name,_ she thought. _Well it's ok, I'll just give him a fake name. I can do this. I'm not_ that _bad at lying._

"My is name, I mean, name my is, um..." She gestured vaguely at her surroundings.

The boy raised an eyebrow.

"Well what's your name?" she asked defensively.

"Chuuya," he replied.

"...oh, right. Haha, that was fast," she said nervously. "Um, my name is..."

He stared at her.

"...ok, running it is then."

Spinning around, Shizune ducked her head to avoid being grabbed by the collar again, and sprinted away from him. Gripping the wall, she flung herself over it, landed lightly on the other side, and continued running without looking back. When she was sure that she wasn't being followed anymore, she let out a sigh of relief and paused to catch her breath. Suddenly, her phone buzzed, and she quickly pulled it out and scanned the messages:

 _The package has arrived. Complete the mission by 23:59._

"Oh, right, I was in the middle of a mission," Shizune remembered. "...oops."

Glancing down at the coordinates on her phone, she sprinted through the streets, barely aware of the people around her, until she finally reached a five-star hotel. The pristine white building looked completely normal, except for the lack of guests going in and out, and the unnatural cleanness of the place.

 _Ugh, I should've joined the mafia instead,_ she thought, frowning. _I bet_ their _boss isn't a clean freak like mine is._

Stepping inside, she glanced down at the pristine gold-white carpet and felt slightly guilty for stepping on it.

 _You fool!_ the carpet screeched. _You're splattering me with...is that blood? Oh god, it's blood. Disgusting. Hey, and what's with your sense of fashion? What an utterly_ dreadful _combination. Where did you even find those godforsaken clothes?_

She immediately stopped feeling guilty.

"Shizune-san," a man wearing a black and silver suit greeted her, "there is a package addressed to you."

She thanked him and quickly took the package. After ripping it open, she looked inside...and blinked in confusion.

 _Why is there a toaster in it?_ she thought, frowning.

"Just to be clear, this package is supposed to have my weapon, right?" she asked the man.

He nodded. "I believe so. Alexia-san ordered me to deliver it to you directly."

"...alright then." Shizune grabbed her phone, and the moment she pressed call, someone immediately picked up.

"Hi Shizu-chan! How's your mission going?" a voice asked cheerfully.

"Actually, I kinda forgot about it so I haven't started yet," she admitted. "By the way, where's my weapon?"

There was a pause from the other end. "Hmm, didn't I send you a package?"

"...do you remember _what_ you sent me?"

"...a weapon?"

Shizune's eye twitched. "NO YOU FORGETFUL PIECE OF STALE BREAD YOU SENT ME A _TOASTER_! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KILL ANYONE WITH THIS?"

She waved the package around for emphasis, and the man quickly stepped backwards to avoid being hit.

"Oh." Alex laughed. "Oops."

"Don't 'oops' me!" Shizune hissed. "I asked for a _gun_! How does anyone confuse that with a toaster?"

"Well to be fair, toasters are perfectly good weapons too," Alex pointed out. "Anyways, even if you die, the boss can just revive you again. So it's all good!"

Shizune blinked. "Wha-? No it's _not_ all good! It's all bad! Really bad! I don't want to die ag-"

The line went dead.

"..."

The man in the suit looked at her nervously.

 _No, calm down,_ she told herself, taking a deep breath. _Being angry isn't going to help. Look on the bright side: you can make double the amount of toast for breakfast tomorrow! And anyways, toasters can be good weapons too if you throw them hard enough._

Sighing, she picked up the package and walked towards the door.

"Uh...Shizune-san?" the man asked nervously. "Where are you going?"

Pausing, she turned around and looked him dead in the eyes. "I'm going to kill the boss of the Port Mafia with a toaster."

...

Shizune gazed up at the tall ink black building that was the Port Mafia's headquarters.

 _I have exactly one hour left to finish this mission,_ she thought. _Better make it fast._

She shoved her hand into her pocket, and gripped the object inside.

"Ability: activate," she said softly under her breath.

Her vision sharpened, and she felt a familiar sense of lightness, as if she'd stepped out of her body. Shizune walked up to the entrance of the building, and the guards looked in her direction in surprise.

 _...suppose I'll just knock them out,_ she decided.

"Sorry kid, you can't be here," one of the guards said gruffly. "You ne-"

She ducked behind him and slammed the toaster into the back of his head. Without pausing, she twisted her arm and threw the toaster into the other guard's gut. They both slumped over, knocked out cold.

 _Wow, this thing's actually pretty useful,_ she thought, impressed. _I should fight crime organizations with toasters more often._

There was a commotion inside, and more men in black suits rushed towards her. She leaned sideways to avoid a bullet, then ducked past them and ran for the elevator at the back of the room. She quickly leapt inside, and saw one of the men lunging towards her from the reflection of the elevator's wall. Without turning around, she waved her hand, and the elevator doors suddenly slammed themselves shut with unnatural speed.

Leaning against the wall, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, furrowing her brows in concentration. Even with her ability activated, the conversations around her were hard to make out, and she had to strain her ears.

"...equesting backup! One intruder, a child with silver hair..."

"...have to protect the boss. Send all available members to the top floor..."

"...she was carrying a...toaster, sir. No, I'm not joking-"

Shizune's eyes snapped open when the elevator came to a sudden halt. _I didn't tell it to stop,_ she thought in surprise.

With a pleasant _ding_ , the elevator doors slowly opened, revealing a large room with tinted black windows. In the center of the room stood a man with dark hair that was swept back, who was wearing a long trench coat. Behind him were several other men, all wearing suits and armed to the teeth with weapons.

The man smiled. "Well, this is rather unexpected. You don't look to be any older than Dazai-kun."

 _Is he the boss?_ She stared at him in confusion. _He looks powerful, but from what I heard, it sounds like the boss is on the top floor..._

"Well then, my apologies," he said lightly, and waved his hand at the men behind him. "Deal with this, I have important business to take care of. Elise-chan! Eliisee-chaaan, where are you?"

 _'Elise-chan'?_ she thought in puzzlement. _Is that his daughter? Is he ditching his job for his daughter? Well that's good for me, but still..._

The sound of guns cocking brought her back to reality, and she quickly ducked as the first round of bullets flew past her. Gripping the toaster, she flung it into the air as hard as possible.

"It's a grenade!" one of the men shouted, and several people threw themselves onto the ground in panic.

Taking advantage of the confusion, Shizune launched herself at the man closest to her, slammed her palm into his throat, and grabbed his gun when his grip loosened. The next few moments became a blur as she methodically dodged while shooting at the men around her.

 _26...17...11...4...1._

She stopped dead in the center of the room, surrounded by piles of bodies, and narrowed her eyes slightly at the overwhelming stench of blood and metal.

The last man still standing in the room was frozen on the spot, staring at her in terror.

"If you run, I won't chase you," she said helpfully.

The man whipped around and sprinted out of the room.

 _Well that was tiring,_ Shizune thought, and rubbed her shoulder where a bullet had grazed her. _I didn't aim for their vitals, so most of them should still be alive. It's not like I came to destroy the mafia or anything, I just need to kill their boss._

"...right, the boss!" she suddenly remembered. "I still need to go beat him up! Crap, where's my toaster?"

She heard a muffled laugh coming from her right, and she turned around to see a boy about her age leaning against the wall. He was covered in bandages, and didn't looked the slightest bit fazed at the bodies littered around the room.

 _Where did he come from?_ she thought in surprise. _I didn't hear him enter the room._

"So you're the one who's trying to kill our boss with a toaster," he commented.

Shizune immediately frowned. _Wow, that is_ not _how I want to be remembered._

"Well apparently, your boss has gone senile and is giving orders to kill innocent civilians," she replied. "If nothing changes, he'll eventually end up destroying all of Yokohama, so my orders are to kill him before that happens."

"Oh, good luck then." He smiled cheerfully. "Don't forget your toaster!"

 _...he took that really well,_ she thought.

"Hey, you're not scared that I'll kill you?" she asked curiously.

"You're not scared that I'll kill _you_?" the boy replied.

 _Well if you kill me, my boss can just revive me again,_ she thought. _So no, not really._

"Of course not," she replied, then suddenly laughed. "Anyways, technically, I'm already dead."

"Oh?" He tilted his head. "Prove it. What's the afterlife like?"

 _...how am I supposed to know? I've never died for more than a day before._ Shizune frowned.

"It's...um...lonely," she said, which was partly true. "That's why I came back. I hate being alone."

"Alright," he said, and suddenly smiled. "Then next time, let's go together. That way you won't be alone."

She started to nod, then paused.

 _...wait. Wait a minute._ She stared at him in disbelief. _Is he asking me to commit a double suicide with him? Did he start talking to me just to ask me to commit a double suicide with him?_

He looked at her hopefully.

 _...eh, it's not like I'll see him again after this anyways,_ she thought reasonably. _Why not?_

"Sure then," she said. "Promise?"

He smiled. "Promise!"

"Oh right, what your name?" she asked curiously.

"My name is-"

Suddenly, the world around her became distorted, and her vision blurred. Shizune closed her eyes for a few seconds, and when she opened them again, she was sitting on a couch in a dimly lit office. Feeling slightly disoriented, she rubbed her eyes and looked around: old faded paintings, a desk with piles of neatly filed papers, and a pristine white carpet.

 _Oh, crap,_ she thought.

"How was your mission?" a voice asked.

Shizune turned towards the center of the room, and despite how dark it was, she could make out the outline of a man sitting behind the desk, and the glint of silver hair.

"Um, I haven't actually completed it yet," she admitted.

She glanced towards a large clock on her left, and blinked in surprise.

 _Wait, it's only 23:48!_ she thought, frowning. _I still have 11 minutes left! I totally could've killed the boss by now if he hadn't teleported me here._ And _I didn't have time to grab my toaster. What a waste of a perfectly good weapon._

As if reading her mind, the man chuckled. "I merely asked you how your mission was, I know you haven't completed it yet. I called you back because there's been a slight change of plans."

She tensed slightly. He _never_ changed his plans.

"For now, you will keep an eye on the Port Mafia," he continued calmly. "Observe, but do not interfere. Report back to me directly."

"Yes, sir." She got up and politely bowed to him, then turned towards the door. "I'll leave immediately."

"Shizune," the voice said, stopping her in her tracks. "I meant what I said. Do _not_ interfere with them. If you decide to disobey my orders and end up dying, I will not bring you back. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," she replied.

He waved his hand. "Then you're dismissed."

Shizune quickly opened the door and walked out. The moment it shut behind her, she frowned and crossed her arms.

 _He always gives me death threats, but he only ever threatens to sell Alex for goats!_ she thought grumpily. _What, am I not good enough to be sold for goats? I thought bosses weren't supposed to show favouritism to their employees._

Muttering under her breath, she trudged down the hallway and turned towards the elevator.

 _Well at least I get to stay in Yokohama,_ she thought. _It's a nice city, and there's free food_.

Shizune smiled. "Maybe this won't be such a bad mission after all."

* * *

 _A/N: And that's the end of the special chapter! This chapter is actually connected to a part of Shizune's past that you guys already know (sort of). Read chapter 3 again and you'll see what I mean^^_

 _Also, for anyone who's confused, this chapter takes place when Shizune is about 12 years old, so Mori Ougai isn't the boss of the Port Mafia yet. That's why when he appeared, he just fangirled about Elise-chan and then left (lol). Unfortunately, the name of the previous mafia boss was never revealed, so I just kept calling him 'boss' throughout the entire chapter..._

 _Chapter 11 will be posted soon, so I'll (hopefully) see you all there! Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._

Sameen: Yay! You like Shizune too^^ Lol she's slowly winning everyone over with her awkward personality and obsession with cheese:)

Guest: I'm glad you like this story so far! Thank you for bearing with the slow updates:)


	13. Chapter 11

_A/N: Hi guys! As promised, here's chapter 11^^ It starts off a bit heavy, but since you're all experienced readers who have had your hearts ripped out of your chests many times by the deaths of your favourite characters, you should all be ok:) Haha...*curls up in a corner and cries*_

Disclaimer: I only own my characters, all other characters belong to Kafka Asagiri.

* * *

 _A young girl who looked no older than 17 jumped through the window of an empty hallway, paying no heed to the blood and broken glass under her feet. Her left side throbbed in pain with each step that she took, but she ignored it and forced herself to keep running._

Too late.

 _A man lunged out of the shadows, reaching towards her neck, but she swiftly leapt back and pulled out a knife. Raising her arm, she threw it at him with such force that it went straight through his throat and impaled itself into the wall behind him._

I'm too late.

 _She stumbled to a halt in front of a large room at the end of the hallway, and froze when she saw the scene in front of her. A boy in a black coat was kneeling in front of a man who's clothes were stained dark red with blood. As she watched, the man said something and smiled, then his body slumped forwards and he went completely still._

 _She started to call out to the boy, but thought better of it and leaned back, melting into the shadows. Suddenly, his head jerked up and he turned in her direction, despite the fact that she had made no sound._

 _"...are you there?" the boy called hesitantly._

 _She reluctantly stepped into the room, but shifted her body sideways to hide her injuries._

 _"Hey," she greeted him. "Bad timing, huh?"_

 _He shook his head. "No, I'm glad you're here."_

 _There was a long pause, then the boy looked at her again, his expression a mixture of grief and confusion._

 _"He told me to 'be on the side that saves people'," he said slowly, as if the words were unfamiliar to him, "that even if I stay here, I'll never find what I'm looking for."_

 _"...I agree with him," she replied._

 _The boy nodded, and a glint of determination appeared in his eyes._

 _"Then I'm leaving." He stood up and turned towards her. "Will you come with me?"_

 _Despite the situation, she smiled slightly, but shook her head._

 _"Nah too much work," she replied casually. "Saving people, catching criminals, paying taxes...who can do all of that and still stay sane?"_

 _He raised an eyebrow. " But you just told me I should do all of that."_

 _"I did," she agreed, and grinned._

 _The boy's lips curved up in a faint smile. "Thank you."_

 _She felt her throat tightening and quickly turned around before she could change her mind._ _Waving her hand, she slipped out the door and walked down the hallway before he could reply._ _She paused near the end of the passage, and gazed up through the cracked ceiling, where a sliver of the sky could be seen._

 _"Good luck," she whispered, then smiled sadly. "And goodbye."_

...

Shizune snapped awake and jerked upright, nearly falling off her bed. For a full minute, she stared blankly at the wall, trying to process what she'd just dreamed.

 _...the girl in the dream looked like me._

"Nope, that's not possible," she told herself. "I don't even _own_ a knife, much less have the ability to throw it at a man's throat with the grace and beauty of a ballerina."

 _...the boy in the dream looked like Dazai._

"That's _definitely_ not possible," she assured herself. "Anyways, a lot of people look alike. That guy from my dream could've been...Lovecraft! With different clothes. And different shoes. And a different face."

Satisfied with her conclusion, she got up and threw on the first clothes that she saw before stumbling out the door. Trying to push the dream out of her mind, she walked down the hallway and into the agency's office. The place was empty except for Dazai, who was lying on the crouch and looking about as productive as Shizune usually was.

"Morning, Dazai," she greeted, stifling a yawn.

He looked at her in surprise, and smiled. "So you finally dropped the honorific? I'm glad you're starting to think of me as a friend."

"Huh?" she replied in confusion.

 _...oh,_ she realized, _I didn't add '-san' to the last part of his name._

"Ugh, this is all because that dream," she muttered. "It's throwing me off."

He raised an eyebrow. "What dream?"

"Lovecraft," she replied, shrugging. "But with shorter hair and a better taste in fashion."

Dazai's coat sighed. _Well, at least_ someone _has a good sense of fashion. Unlike you._

 _Yeah, I pity the clothes that you're wearing,_ Dazai's shirt agreed. _It must be so humiliating for them._

She frowned disapprovingly at Dazai. "Why are all your clothes so rude?"

 _Huh, she thinks_ we're _rude,_ his shoes scoffed. _What a joke._

"Ok, that's it," she hissed. "Dazai, give me your clothes. I'm gonna shove them down the toilet."

He raised an eyebrow, then smiled. "Are you asking me to strip?"

"...oh, good point." She thought for a while, then shrugged. "Well I guess I could just shove you down the toilet too."

She grabbed him by the collar and started dragging him out the door.

"Good morning Shizu...what are you doing?"

Shizune glanced up and saw a horrified Atsushi standing at the door.

"Throwing out the trash," she replied flatly.

Dazai laughed. "Shizu-chan, you're starting to sound like Kunikida-kun!"

"Oh I meant your clothes," she said, frowning. "Mainly your coat."

The coat started yelling profanities at her, which she ignored.

"Let's all take a deep breath and relax, ok?" Atsushi said hastily. "There's no need to commit murder this early in the morning. Let's...uh...watch some TV instead!"

He practically launched himself across the room, grabbed the TV remote, and turned to the first channel that he saw.

"Breaking news, a seven story building has vanished overnight."

Shizune paused in surprise, staring a screen. At the same time, Kunikida suddenly rushed into the office, followed by several other staff members.

"Hey, did you see the morning news?" he said, out of breath from running.

"It's on the TV too," Dazai replied, looking serious.

"According to one source," the reporter continued, "the building housed a front company for the Port Mafia. It was allegedly used as an office by their agents."

 _The Port Mafia? Who would attack them?_ she thought in surprise. _...wait. Frank totally would. Dammit Frank, why are you always so dramatic?_

Suddenly, her phone buzzed.

Shizune pulled it out of her pocket and stared at it blankly.

It buzzed again.

She continued to stare at it blankly.

It buzzed once more.

 _...I have a phone?_

"I don't remember buying a new one," she muttered under her breath. "When did this happen?"

She pressed the home button, and a message popped up on the screen:

 _You have 684 new messages from 'Alex'. To check your messages, please enter your password._

"..."

She quickly left the room, flipped through her contacts list, and pressed call.

"Hi Alex, wh-"

"Shizu-chan! I messaged you for days but you didn't reply," Alex said, sounding hurt.

"Yeah I left my phone in New York. How did it even end up here?"

"Oh I asked someone to teleport it to you," she replied casually. "Anyways, how could you not bring your phone with you? What if you'd gotten kidnapped by the mafia or something?"

 _Too late,_ Shizune thought.

"So what's with the spam of messages?" she asked. "It's terrifying. And it's taking up all of my phone's storage space."

"Do you remember when I said that I left some important files in Japan the last time I was there?" Alex asked. "My boss finally snapped a while ago, and he told me that I have one week to either bring him the files or bring him my head."

"Hmm, well if _someone_ didn't eat all of my chocolate, them maybe I would've helped to get those files back," she said coldly.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. I'll send you more later," Alex said persuasively. "A lot more. Please help?"

"...fine," she said grudgingly. "Where are the files?"

"I'll send you the coordinates. Thanks Shizu-chan!"

"Sure, I'll call you again when I find them."

Shizune ended the call and quickly went back into the office. Glancing around, she noticed that several people, including Atsushi, were gone.

"What did I miss?" she asked.

"Kenji's gone missing," Kunikida said tensely. "This is mostly likely the Guild's retaliation for refusing their offer yesterday."

 _Knowing Frank, he won't kill Kenji unless he has to, since hostages are worth more alive than dead,_ she thought, her mind racing. _On the other hand, Alex is going to lose her head –literally- unless I bring her those files. I should focus on that first._

"From what I've seen," Kunikida continued, "your ability isn't suited for fighting, so you should stay here."

"Ok." Shizune smiled at him. "Good luck searching for Kenji!"

He looked at her suspiciously, then nodded. "Don't get into any trouble, and try not to get yourself killed."

She smiled innocently and waved goodbye as Kunikida shut the door behind him.

 _Ok, time to get into trouble and probably get myself killed,_ she thought.

She slipped out the door and walked down the stairs leading to the side exit of the building.

Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she quickly checked the coordinates that Alex sent her.

"That's pretty far away," she muttered. "How am I even supposed to get there?"

She sighed and started running, dodging past the crowds of people on the street. Suddenly, a flash of red hair caught her eye and she abruptly stopped, ducking behind a wall. Peering out, she saw a girl with dark red hair and bangs walking across the street, humming to herself.

 _Hey, isn't that the girl who was with Frank the other day?_ Shizune thought in surprise. Suddenly, she saw Atsushi walking on the opposite side of the street, and her eyes widened.

"Atsushi, watch ou-" she began to shout, then the world around her became blurred, and she stumbled backwards in surprise.

Glancing around, she noticed that she was no longer on the street, but in a large room with pink walls and a tiled floor. There were colourful streamers hanging from the ceiling, and presents littered around the room.

"...did I end up in Disneyland?" she said in confusion.

"Welcome, everyone, to Anne's chamber," the red-haired girl said, smiling.

 _Oh, this is her ability,_ she realized.

She spun in a circle, straining to see through the crowd of people, and noticed a familiar figure with silver hair on the other side of the room.

 _Atsushi's here too!_ she thought in surprise. _And is that...Tanizaki?"_

She was about to make her way to the other side of the room when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Turning around, she came face-to-face with a man with dark hair, who was wearing a white lab coat. He would've seemed intimidating...if he didn't look like he was about to cry.

"Excuse me miss, have you seen a girl with blond hair anywhere?" he asked worriedly. "Her name is Elise-chan. I've been looking everywhere for her, but-"

Before he could finish talking, the crowd of people around them suddenly started screaming and running out the door. After the last few people ran out of the room, the door slammed shut after them.

"Oh my, only four of you are left?" the red-haired girl said disappointedly. "That's no fun."

Then she grinned and looked directly at Shizune. "First, a surprise gift for the former Guild member."

 _And that's my cue to run,_ she thought.

Before she could move, a large pink doll suddenly appeared from behind the girl and lunged towards her. She yelped as it grabbed her by the arm and flung her towards a door at the back of the room. She quickly rolled sideways, and slammed into the doorframe instead of getting thrown inside.

"Shizune-san!" Atsushi said, his expression a mixture of surprise and horror. "Why are you here?"

"Hi Atsushi!" She waved cheerfully, then brushed herself off. "So did you guys find Kenji yet?"

Suddenly, hands emerged from inside the door and grabbed her, then began to drag her in. Reacting instinctively, she twisted sideways and gripped the edge of the door.

"She has nothing to do with this, let her go!" Atsushi shouted, glaring at the red-haired girl.

"Except she does," the girl replied, then glanced at Shizune. "Your ability to read people's pasts is useless now, huh?"

"Why does everyone think I can read people's pasts?" Shizune asked in confusion, still clinging onto the doorframe. "That's not my ability! Who told you guys-"

Suddenly, realization hit her.

"FRANK YOU SAD EXCUSE FOR A TOASTER, HOW COULD YOU MIX UP MIRA'S ABILITY WITH MINE?" she shouted disbelievingly. "We don't look alike! We're not even the same height! You traitor!"

"So that's not your ability?" The red-haired girl frowned at her. "Well anyways, you can't hang onto that door forever. You'll get dragged in sooner or later. I suppose it's time to focus on my other guests instead."

Shizune didn't answer, but knew the girl was right. Her arms were going numb, and she could feel her grip slowly weakening.

 _...hun...gry..._

She froze. The voice had come from behind her, but she couldn't turn around to look without letting go of the door.

 _...eat...you..._

She gripped onto the door even harder, feeling a bead of cold sweat roll down her forehead.

 _...must...eat...NOW._

Screaming internally (and maybe externally too), she pulled herself forwards with a burst of strength, causing the hands to loosen their grip on her. Rolling sideways, she jumped to her feet and threw herself at the door, slamming it shut before she could get grabbed again.

"Nothing like a good dose of absolute terror to get you moving," she muttered, still breathing heavily.

At that exact moment, the door flew open again, and several hands burst out. Shizune's eyes widened and she dodged to the side, but the hands shot straight past her and grabbed Tanizaki instead. Before she could react, the hands dragged him in and the door slammed shut behind him.

She ran to the door and pulled with all her strength, but it refused to budge.

"It's no use," the red-haired girl said, laughing. "That door can't be opened without the key. If you want to get him out, why don't you join our game?"

Shizune turned to her in confusion. "There's a key?"

"She's lying!" Atsushi shouted, dodging as the doll lunged at him. "The key doesn't work! I already tried it earlier!"

He leapt upwards, barely avoiding the doll as it flew at him through the ground. Suddenly, another doll appeared behind him, giving him no time to dodge.

"Atsushi!" she shouted in horror.

The doll grabbed him, then several hands flew out from the door and dragged him in.

 _...wait,_ she thought, blinking in surprise. _He didn't get dragged in._

If she simply looked at the door, it appeared to be shut, but when she focused harder, she could still see Atsushi hanging onto the door.

 _It's an illusion,_ she realized. _But Atsushi doesn't have an ability like that. Then..._

Glancing around, she noticed Tanizaki inside the door. They locked eyes, and he nodded. _So that's his ability,_ she thought.

Shizune suddenly noticed that there was a yellow ribbon wrapped around the red-haired girl's waist, and that Atsushi was holding onto the other end. Her eyes widened in realization, and the girl realized it a second after she did- but it was already too late. He pulled on the ribbon and the girl flew backwards, straight into the entrance of the door.

"Release your ability and let everyone go!" Atsushi told her. "Or I'll drag you into the room."

"No, wait!" she yelled, sounding terrified. "I can't fail this mission! I have to-"

"I'm letting go of the door now. Once I do, you'll only have a second to decide." Taking a deep breath, Atsushi released his grip, and they both flew in.

For a moment, time seemed to be frozen, and Shizune anxiously glanced around the room. Nothing happened.

"She didn't release her ability?" she said, her expression paling.

"Most likely she didn't have enough time."

Shizune turned around, and saw the man in a lab coat from before standing a few feet behind her. In contrast to a few minutes ago, he looked utterly calm and composed.

"What will you do now?" he asked her curiously.

 _Maybe I can use my picklocking skills to open the door?_ she thought frantically. _Oh, but I don't have a picklock. Or skills. Then maybe I can..._

Suddenly, an absolutely brilliant idea hit her.

She frowned. "That's a horrible idea."

No, it was a brilliant idea.

"...you know what?" She sighed. "Whatever. Not like there's a better way."

Shizune ran to the door. _Well here goes nothing,_ she thought.

"Hey." She knocked on the door. "You said you were hungry, right? Why don't you come out for some more food? I taste great."

The door didn't budge.

 _Wow, rude._ She frowned. _I'm offering you free food! What, am I not good enough for you? Is it because of my fashion sense?_

"Ok fine." She pointed at the man. "He tastes great."

The man blinked. "...what?"

"You're missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime!" she continued, completely ignoring him. "Aren't you hungry?"

Through the glass on the door, she could see the hands on the other side pause and turn in her direction.

 _...fo...od..._

Shizune tensed. _Here they come._

With a loud _bang_ the door slammed open, and several hands reached out to grab her and the man.

Shizune quickly gripped the edge of the door to avoid getting dragged in.

"Hey! This is the last chance for you to release your ability!" she shouted. "Do it now or we'll be stuck in here for the rest of our lives!"

For a terrifying moment nothing happened, and Shizune lost her grip as the hands pulled her inside. Then the world around her became blurred and she tumbled onto the ground. Looking up, she saw that she was in the middle of the street again, and there were several people crowded around her, all looking tired and confused.

She let out a sigh of relief and leaned back. "I'm never doing that again."

"That was an interesting plan," an amused voice said from beside her.

She turned her head sideways, and saw the man in a lab coat from before. _Oh, I should apologize,_ she thought guiltily. _I've probably traumatized him for the rest of his life._

"I'm sorry that I used you as food," she said, bowing to him.

"It's alright," he replied, and smiled. "But I'm surprised to see you here again. Are you still in contact with Dazai-kun?"

She blinked. "Huh?"

Before she could ask him what he meant, she saw Atsushi running towards her.

"Shizune-san, are you ok?" he asked worriedly.

"Yep, I'm fine," she replied. "What about you?"

"I'm ok," he assured her. "Let's go back to the agency."

She nodded absentmindedly, then froze.

"Oh no, Alex's head!" she shouted in horror. "Crap I completely forgot!"

"Who's head?" Atsushi asked in confusion.

"Go back to agency first," she told him.

He frowned. "It too dangerous for you to be here alone. We should go back together."

"Um..." She glanced around. "Look! It's Dazai!"

"Dazai-san?" Atsushi said in surprise, and turned in the direction she was pointing.

(A/N: Works every time.)

She quickly sprinted across the street and ducked under a parked car. Pulling out her phone, she brought up the coordinates that Alex had sent her earlier that day.

"Ok Alex," she muttered. "Don't die until I get those files."

* * *

 _A/N: The story has finally caught up to season 2 of the anime! Yay! *Throws confetti everywhere* Since the start of the 2nd season is about Dazai's past, I decided to put a quick flashback in the beginning of this chapter. In the next chapter, you'll get to see Soukoku in action (I know a lot of you guys were waiting for it)._

 _I'll update soon (although how soon is a complete mystery, even to me)^^ Please follow, favourite, comment, etc._


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